Calgary SSP gay life

[Deepstar]

Originally Posted by red-paladin

O.o There is no thread like this in the Vancouver section for some reason

Maybe there aren't many Vancouver SSP members that are gay? I dunno. We seem to have enough here in Calgary (and enough straight guys interested in the discussion) to make a thread of it.

[93JC]

t3h gayz are taking over Calgary!!one!

[Chadillaccc]

Originally Posted by halifaxboyns

Having been engaged to my ex-bf for many years we talked about kids, but since it didn't work out the conversation was mute. Being happily single, the thought hasn't really crossed my mind.

Personally, I've found the gay community in Calgary to be rather odd. Coming from Halifax, it's way more cliquish than back east and far less welcoming. Making friends around here is way more difficult and I'm a pretty relaxed, laid back kind of person. I also find the bar scene, frankly just boring. Twisted sucks and Sapien (which I found more fun) is gone. The eagle, which was my after work pool place Thursday and Friday is gone and I'm sad it may not come back. Frankly, I miss the scene back east because at least it was open to all sorts of people and was way more fun! But that's just me...

You can happily add me to the pile and also to the pile of 'gay planners in Calgary'.

I find it extremely cliquey too here. I never experienced much of the Ottawa gay life when I lived there but I made a few gay friends who I'm still friends with (5 years ago), Toronto was nowhere near as bad as Calgary and neither was Vancouver. I just find so many of the guys here to be self-entitled b*tches that think they deserve some pretty-boy 6pack jock even though they are total pie-faces themselves or just totally bad people. That exists everywhere, of course, but it just seems to be a really intense concentration here. However, on the flip side, the gay friends I have made since I moved here are some of the best friends I have ever had. None of them are from the city of Calgary though haha they just live here

[kw5150]

Feeling that things are cliquey is part of growing up. Welcome to the mid twenties lil' ones.

[Chadillaccc]

It's not that at all. I lived in and around Toronto for years when I was much younger and much less mature and still didn't feel it was so cliquey, and I had less friends there than I do now. Same can be said for Vancouver except I still have about the ssame amount of friends there, it's just not cliquey. Some bitches are just bitches, but that's the life of a gay world anywhere.

[YYCguys]

I'm a pretty shy guy and also in my early 40s, so making friends or finding potential dates, has been hard for me here in Calgary. It doesn't help that I moved from downtown Calgary to Airdrie 7+ years ago, so my social life has shifted out to the 'burbs, so to speak. Doing anything with the gay community, whether it is hanging out or going on a date, requires planning and a car. It's too bad there isn't better transit service between here and Calgary. And it's too bad the gay community doesn't really stick together in the Calgary region. If you're not a pretty young (20's) boy, you're pretty much excluded. Case in point: Twisted Element. I have never felt so unincluded, due to the attitude of the staff and patrons of that club. While I never had a chance to be a customer of Sapien, I was happy that there was a viable option for customers alienated from Twisted. That is not the case anymore, especially since the Eagle also closed this past fall. Why isn't there a gay village or more businesses catering to the gay clientele in Calgary? Is it lack of gay clientele, lack of will power on the part of the business owners or is Calgary just too conservative of a city to be able to foster such a concept?

[freeweed]

Originally Posted by YYCguys

Why isn't there a gay village or more businesses catering to the gay clientele in Calgary? Is it lack of gay clientele, lack of will power on the part of the business owners or is Calgary just too conservative of a city to be able to foster such a concept?

Or Calgary is so liberal that the need for gay-specific businesses isn't as strong as in other cities. Hey, I can dream, right?

Funny to see comments from y'all that basically mirror the rest of the city as well. Calgarians in general are a bit more superficial and trying to meet up with only "the best" people they can. Especially all the gold-diggers in their 20s. It's just part of a boomtown mentality. And a metric fuck-load of "new money".

In the straight world, the word "doucebag" comes up a lot more often in Calgary than any other city I've ever been to. And with somewhat good reason.

Fortunately this tends to fade as people mature and establish roots here (and realize that a person's character is not determined by the size of their paycheque or how many white pickups they own or what Ed Hardy T-Shirt they have on today).

[halifaxboyns]

You may in fact be correct freeweed. If you look at the fact that 3 gays bars closed in successive order (although 1 was more because of expropriation) it makes you think about whether or not these sorts of venues are needed anymore?

Personally, I've grown up from my younger years and hitting a dance bar until 3am isn't as much fun anymore. Yes, it's great to be out with friends, but the recouping the next day (more often than not days) isn't so much fun. Plus, I agree with yycguy's comment on twisted: i've never felt comfortable or much included there. But when I go home to Halifax and I go to mensbar, I'm comfy. Even reflections I didn't feel too out of place.

I guess for me, I'm at a point in my life where the gay community here isn't offering me much in the way anything to run after or go for. Which is why I'm happily in a long distance relationship with someone in another city. The travel is what I look forward too.

[Radley77]

I do think what Freeweed said is right. Calgary is a a very liberal or "free" place kinda no-fuss place. Toronto on the other hand politically speaking is highly polarized (i.e.: Rob Ford election results). Or that Toronto pride originated in 1981 from an anti-police protest from a raid of four Toronto bathhouses in the walk of "Operation Soap." In Calgary, for the first gay pride parade in 1990, gays wore bags over there heads because they felt the "had" to, and then in 1991 Al Duerr, then mayor proclaimed Calgary first Pride Week. Ha!

[YYCguys]

Originally Posted by halifaxboyns

...I guess for me, I'm at a point in my life where the gay community here isn't offering me much in the way anything to run after or go for. Which is why I'm happily in a long distance relationship with someone in another city. The travel is what I look forward too.

I am a flight attendant and have had the opportunity to date guys from other cities and it wasn't so much fun for me, because I found I was NEVER at home. I was either on a plane for work or on a plane to see him, which was fun in itself of course, but to get on a plane again for pleasure immediately after getting off one for work, sometimes not being able to ditch the uniform in the turn around, got old real quick. So if I found someone real special, I'd probably end up moving there for him. I'm not attached to Calgary at all, except that I own my own home in the area, so picking up lock stock and barrel would not be a huge problem for me.

On that note, Halifaxboyns, know any really awesome nice single guys in NS who wanna date a flight attendant?

[Dr Nevergold]

Originally Posted by WIGS

I recommend anyone interested in documentaries to check this one out about the AIDS epidemic. As someone born in 1981, I didn't know hardly anything about the history and the struggle. I saw it last night with my friend and his girlfriend.

Now playing at The Plaza theatre in Kensington

• Video Link

I was born in 1982, and while HIV/AIDS has always been a reality in my lifetime the education I grew up around was minimal. Hear-say from other kids and the lack of approaching the issue in classrooms led me to believe, as a young kid, that just being gay meant you'd get HIV eventually... I was well into my mid teens before I read enough and first got online to do my own research to find out about it.

It certainly puts the fear in growing up gay, as I always knew I was different and around 13-14 was when I came out to myself and said "i'm gay" to myself.

The fear factor before the drug cocktails that became successful long term treatment in the late 90's was enough to make any gay youth (like me) fear for your life. Now that I'm 30 I am lucky to never have contracted the virus. Even when you're dating someone you never know if they are cheating it seems. Then again, the older I get, the more celibate I become.

[Dr Nevergold]

Originally Posted by Radley77

I do think what Freeweed said is right. Calgary is a a very liberal or "free" place kinda no-fuss place. Toronto on the other hand politically speaking is highly polarized (i.e.: Rob Ford election results). Or that Toronto pride originated in 1981 from an anti-police protest from a raid of four Toronto bathhouses in the walk of "Operation Soap." In Calgary, for the first gay pride parade in 1990, gays wore bags over there heads because they felt the "had" to, and then in 1991 Al Duerr, then mayor proclaimed Calgary first Pride Week. Ha!

I have no idea how gay friendly Calgary is, but the current attitude that having a gay community is some old world concept is also a bit overplayed. Youth of today never lived outside of an online world, and in the real world its good sometimes to have a "community" to go to. In the virtual world you could be on a rock in the middle of the tundra with no one around you for 100 miles and pretend you're around a free and open place, but the reality is that you're still alone.

I think the gay community phenomenon (or lack thereof) revolves around this real world vs virtual world scenario that didn't exist before the 1990's on any significant level than any other stereotypes discussed.

Personally, my world grew up around half and half. Our area didn't even have cable tv until I was around 10 years of age. I was an early adopter of the internet, and got an online connection starting in 1995 when I was 13. The internet in the 90's wasn't quite as pervasive as its become today, so when I was 18 I started poking around the gay community in the closest city I lived to at the time... It was far more important to me to go to a physical bar or location to see people than it was to stick to the online world back in 2000.

FFW to today, things have changed. There are gay youth 10 years my junior that have no plans to step inside of a "gay" bar as they think they are "too good" for it. Yet they can't connect with anyone outside the digital realm. To me that is a little freaky, much like the recent story about the straight football player who had a fake online "girlfriend" and never met her. Then again, I always hated gay bars because I'd always be so alone unless I went with someone. So, I'm half and half in my opinion anyway.

Since many of us here are of similar age, I'm sure you guys can relate. What makes it even more interesting is that 10 years isn't *that* significant of a difference in age. People who are 20 today interact a great deal different from how those of us that are now 30 did such a short time ago. Goes to show what the digital revolution has done to us. Internet at your fingertips every where you walk is changing the structure of society and it isn't all about gay life.

[Radley77]

Originally Posted by Brandon716

I have no idea how gay friendly Calgary is, but the current attitude that having a gay community is some old world concept is also a bit overplayed. Youth of today never lived outside of an online world, and in the real world its good sometimes to have a "community" to go to. In the virtual world you could be on a rock in the middle of the tundra with no one around you for 100 miles and pretend you're around a free and open place, but the reality is that you're still alone.

I think the gay community phenomenon (or lack thereof) revolves around this real world vs virtual world scenario that didn't exist before the 1990's on any significant level than any other stereotypes discussed.

Personally, my world grew up around half and half. Our area didn't even have cable tv until I was around 10 years of age. I was an early adopter of the internet, and got an online connection starting in 1995 when I was 13. The internet in the 90's wasn't quite as pervasive as its become today, so when I was 18 I started poking around the gay community in the closest city I lived to at the time... It was far more important to me to go to a physical bar or location to see people than it was to stick to the online world back in 2000.

FFW to today, things have changed. There are gay youth 10 years my junior that have no plans to step inside of a "gay" bar as they think they are "too good" for it. Yet they can't connect with anyone outside the digital realm. To me that is a little freaky, much like the recent story about the straight football player who had a fake online "girlfriend" and never met her. Then again, I always hated gay bars because I'd always be so alone unless I went with someone. So, I'm half and half in my opinion anyway.

Since many of us here are of similar age, I'm sure you guys can relate. What makes it even more interesting is that 10 years isn't *that* significant of a difference in age. People who are 20 today interact a great deal different from how those of us that are now 30 did such a short time ago. Goes to show what the digital revolution has done to us. Internet at your fingertips every where you walk is changing the structure of society and it isn't all about gay life.

While some of these changes about forums for meeting people probably impact LGBT first because the dating pool is smaller, this is now spreading into the broader public. I think already you are starting to see the Red Mile for instance get progressively more establishments that are restaurants instead of bars.

What I think LGBT people have gained in the digital realm, is being lost in the real world. Things like Twisted Element having the worst float in the parade, or not even attending the parade I think highlight issues that I have with that venue. I sense it's tremendously important to have real world places for LGBT people to have that feeling of being visible and ok.

[kw5150]

Many establishments are suffering in the straight and gay world. I think it is the lame shooter and drink prices. There are no specials anymore and you basically feel like you are being herded in to spend money and booted out broke at the end of the night.

Also, gay bar owners seem to think that because they watched an episode of trading spaces, they can suddenly design a bar. They always look like shit (or seem to) in smaller cities. Anywhere else, in larger centres, the gay bars are well designed and cater more to the clientele.

Originally Posted by halifaxboyns

You may in fact be correct freeweed. If you look at the fact that 3 gays bars closed in successive order (although 1 was more because of expropriation) it makes you think about whether or not these sorts of venues are needed anymore?

Personally, I've grown up from my younger years and hitting a dance bar until 3am isn't as much fun anymore. Yes, it's great to be out with friends, but the recouping the next day (more often than not days) isn't so much fun. Plus, I agree with yycguy's comment on twisted: i've never felt comfortable or much included there. But when I go home to Halifax and I go to mensbar, I'm comfy. Even reflections I didn't feel too out of place.

I guess for me, I'm at a point in my life where the gay community here isn't offering me much in the way anything to run after or go for. Which is why I'm happily in a long distance relationship with someone in another city. The travel is what I look forward too.

[freeweed]

Originally Posted by Brandon716

The fear factor before the drug cocktails that became successful long term treatment in the late 90's was enough to make any gay youth (like me) fear for your life. Now that I'm 30 I am lucky to never have contracted the virus. Even when you're dating someone you never know if they are cheating it seems. Then again, the older I get, the more celibate I become.

I think the world as a whole did a complete disservice to both the gay and straight communities in the 80s, by initially describing AIDS as a "gay disease", and by perpetuating this myth well into the 90s.

First - a LOT of straight people thought they were immune. So, they continued on having copious amounts of unprotected sex.

Second - gay people were disproportionally worried about it. But also as you said, there was certainly a time when a lot of gay people thought it was inevitable, so whatever, nothing can be done right? Why we weren't SCREAMING for condom use in the gay community as soon as HIV was identified is beyond me. It saddens me to hear comments about "being lucky" and "cheating" from both gay and straight people - HIV transmission is trivially preventable, but sooooo many people figured this out way too late.

From what I understand, there may be subtle biological reasons why the gay community was so heavily impacted at first - but I really don't think the influence is that strong. It just so happened to spread initially in the gay community (every disease has to start somewhere), and got that god-damned label early on. Probably killing a lot of people as a result.

[ciudad_del_norte]

The reaction of the world to HIV in the earlier days (and to a certain degree today) is actually pretty terrifying. "And the Band Played On" by Randy Shilts is a really good account of the early days of HIV/AIDS. Reads like dystopian medical science fiction book. Not sure what was scarier about it, the new disease that nobody knew what to do with, or the political and societal reaction. It is also unfortunate because I have a rare, non infected blood type but can't donate it.

[Doug_Cgy]

Originally Posted by Chadillaccc

It's not that at all. I lived in and around Toronto for years when I was much younger and much less mature and still didn't feel it was so cliquey, and I had less friends there than I do now. Same can be said for Vancouver except I still have about the ssame amount of friends there, it's just not cliquey. Some bitches are just bitches, but that's the life of a gay world anywhere.

It's strange you say that. My encounters with the Vancouver gay community have been polar opposite. I've never felt overly welcome during the time I spent there. That city is so full of pretension, it drives me crazy. I don't know how many "sorry to hear that" type responses I got from telling people I was from Calgary. Most of it came from those in the LGBT community...although not exclusively. I'm proud of who I am, and a good part of this reflects the values of where I'm from. I don't disagree that Calgary's community doesn't have cliques or issues, but I've certainly met some great LGBT people here.

[Chadillaccc]

Well, you have to understand that most of them have never once been to Calgary and have probably never heard anything good about the gay life or the treatment of gays here. I used to be one of the people that said "sorry to hear that" because who the heck would imagine, from all the things we hear about the conservative society here (Stephen Harper lives here for Christs sake), that being gay here could be livable, let-alone enjoyable. I never thought I would enjoy living here at all before I moved here, but now I do. I'm pretty sure most people who have never visited or lived here feel the same as I once did.

[Chadillaccc]

Originally Posted by YYCguys

I'm a pretty shy guy and also in my early 40s, so making friends or finding potential dates, has been hard for me here in Calgary. It doesn't help that I moved from downtown Calgary to Airdrie 7+ years ago, so my social life has shifted out to the 'burbs, so to speak. Doing anything with the gay community, whether it is hanging out or going on a date, requires planning and a car. It's too bad there isn't better transit service between here and Calgary. And it's too bad the gay community doesn't really stick together in the Calgary region. If you're not a pretty young (20's) boy, you're pretty much excluded. Case in point: Twisted Element. I have never felt so unincluded, due to the attitude of the staff and patrons of that club. While I never had a chance to be a customer of Sapien, I was happy that there was a viable option for customers alienated from Twisted. That is not the case anymore, especially since the Eagle also closed this past fall. Why isn't there a gay village or more businesses catering to the gay clientele in Calgary? Is it lack of gay clientele, lack of will power on the part of the business owners or is Calgary just too conservative of a city to be able to foster such a concept?

I feel the exact same way about twisted. The vampire-looking douchefag is quite the rude buttwipe, the other one just hits on all the little boys that would never give him the time of day if he didn't check their IDs. It's basically only a club for twinks and old drug addicts that think they're still twinks. The only place I go is the Back Lot now. Unfortunately, Sapien closed a week or two before I moved here (I moved here May 1), so I never got to go there but I heard it was a vastly better option than Twisthole. I went to The Eagle a couple times and liked it (probably cause I was constantly getting hit on and checked out which made me feel special )... but one time I accidentally walked in on some dude giving another dude a blowjob behind the curtain... so that was kinda creepy hahaha

[kw5150]

oh goodness..............dirty blowjobs, douchefags, buttwipes, twinks, back lots, twisthole, old drug addicts. Welcome to the life I never want to be a part of.

Originally Posted by Chadillaccc

I feel the exact same way about twisted. The vampire-looking douchefag is quite the rude buttwipe, the other one just hits on all the little boys that would never give him the time of day if he didn't check their IDs. It's basically only a club for twinks and old drug addicts that think they're still twinks. The only place I go is the Back Lot now. Unfortunately, Sapien closed a week or two before I moved here (I moved here May 1), so I never got to go there but I heard it was a vastly better option than Twisthole. I went to The Eagle a couple times and liked it (probably cause I was constantly getting hit on and checked out which made me feel special )... but one time I accidentally walked in on some dude giving another dude a blowjob behind the curtain... so that was kinda creepy hahaha