Calgary SSP gay life

[Dr Nevergold]

^I in no way was directing the comment at you, so don't think of what I was saying in that context. First off, you'll be 30 before you know it, 8 years isn't that long at all. Gay villages aren't depressing, I find them culturally interesting and great to have a place to hang from time to time, but they aren't where you go to get long lasting relationships, they are usually places you go to shop at like minded businesses or go to bars to socialize. There's nothing wrong with it... But at the same time, sometimes you yearn for more than a weekend thrill.

As far as bear goes, I really hate the term bear, cub, and whatever else the gay community thinks up. In the past 5 years I've increasingly adapted to being called a bear now that I shave my head due to having an imperfect hairline, even though I still fucking hate the term with a passion. When I was younger I really, really got annoyed at the daddy-son references, but over time I've just become desensitized to it all. Oh well, I guess labels are here to stay.

I'm a very open minded person, I don't think there is anything wrong with anonymous sex to relax and have fun with. I don't even think its bad if an older person has relations with a considerably younger person, as much as I detest it being called a daddy/son label.

At the same time its also great to know you have potential for a long lasting, fulfilling life partner to share every day with. Mixing the two rarely is worth it, however, because anonymous sex is only worth a few minutes of fun at the expense of something so much greater.

Just be glad you grew up in Canada and in Ontario, I had to grow up in a religious gun toting cesspool south of the border.

[Chadillaccc]

hahaha man just because I grew up in Ontario doesn't mean shit. My hometown is a horrific anomaly in Canada. Each high school in town has about 2 suicides per year (max was 4 one year I was there) mostly closet people and foreign-born students, I was almost one of them. Coming out at 14 was the worst decision I have ever made, and also the best in some ways. But trust me. It was a worse experience than most Americans I have ever talked to had to endure, by their own admission. Just because it's Canada doesn't mean there aren't still some bible-thumping bastards. Remember, Windsor is only a 4 hour drive to Kentucky. Chatham, a city about 1.5 hours from where I was raised is the centre of the Canadian KKK. It's preposterous. My hometown is 40 000 people and may as well have been a town of 1000 in West Virginia for how closed-minded and oxy-addicted the people are, and then towns of only a couple hundred or a thousand people only a half hour away were true Canadian towns where guys could hold hands in high school without fear and what-not. I always wondered why they got freedom in a place that logically should be more closed minded then my city was, and yet I got the shit. Whatever, one of life's mysteries.

Well... I have to be up in 4 hours so I should probably get to sleep! Night boys.

[Dr Nevergold]

^I understand your situation, but you're just minutes away from a great deal different. Even Waterloo is greatly different from Woodstock. Just because Windsor is hours from the Kentucky border doesn't mean a great deal. I know perfect doesn't exist, but if you grew up where I did you wouldn't have been out at 14, it would have been impossible for you. I didn't fully come out to family until I was 23 and lived away from home. Things have gotten better even down there, but trust me, there's no comparison to growing up in the real deal Jesusfreakland. Part of the deal for me isn't just that I'm gay, but I rejected God at an early age as well. Its annoying as hell to go back where I grew up, just went there for the holidays and reminded me of everything I left. Certain parts of the US are literally a theocracy still in 2013, and I can't dare to post this on other parts of this forum as the reality seems to annoy people who want to think otherwise. But that's a discussion for another day.

FWIW, gay equality is a global issue and even good areas aren't perfect.

[Chadillaccc]

A 30 mile drive might as well be 30 light years when you are a kid don't drive or have a car. Which I never did and still never have. So having Waterloo, London, and Hamilton around was completely inconsequential.

[Dr Nevergold]

Oh Chad, if you only knew what life was like in a real theocracy. All the gay boys down south still love'em some Jesus and can't seem to get out from under that spell. Talk about a living hell, being gay *AND* atheist is a non-starter in Jesusland. Have a good night. I don't have to work until late afternoon so this isn't so late for me.

[kw5150]

Im sure you both had it the hardest.........anyway! your situation is familiar to many, MANY other gay men in Canada. Gays that dont come out early enough seem to turn in to crazy alcoholics or drug addicts that destroy themselves.

Story!
My parents noticed big changes in how I was acting and started throwing money at me to cheer me up. They also put me in university at about the same time. This is how I ended up in the city, drinking, partying and having loads of fun; but, no amount of fun could cheer me up. It was time to come out!

In University (which was unfortunately paired with coming out) I was taught the do's and dont's of educated social people and evolved. In this time of "discovery", I found that I was considerably driven to live central to everything. This is how I ended up being more urban.

Now, I live downtown and feel like life has just begun. It is like being in high school but at the age of 30. The closed minded straight folk I grew up around (including my parents (which later changed their ways)) took a lot from me as a kid, teenager, and adult that I will never get back.

Its not like gays party harder for no reason.....while everyone was out partying and having fun, we just sat there and tried to blend into the shadows. Now we can have more fun that we realize we are not condemned to hell!

When you graduate from highschool your life begins as a gay man. Usually this leads you to a downtown....... then you start noticing architecture........... then you google it and then you end up here, on skyscraper page.

Anyway.....Message me! haha just kidding.

[Chadillaccc]

Dang, money thrown at you and free uni? Sounds like a dream. Growing up gay sucks, but it rocks (mostly) now. So that's good.

In my experience with the vast number of closet dudes in this city, I'd say that guys that don't come out early enough turn into crazy alcoholics/drug addicts long before they come out or even fully realize that they're gay. Most of them do it so they can keep fucking chicks and to numb themselves from the feelings they have for men or a certain man. I know a guy that broke both of his hands fighting because someone called him gay. Ridiculous. Poor boys

[kw5150]

Ya, you would think I would have been happy with all of that.....turns out closet life (when you have catholic shame) can really destroy you. I wish i could go back and enjoy uni again!!

Originally Posted by Chadillaccc

Dang, money thrown at you and free uni? Sounds like a dream. Growing up gay sucks, but it rocks (mostly) now. So that's good.

In my experience with the vast number of closet dudes in this city, I'd say that guys that don't come out early enough turn into crazy alcoholics/drug addicts long before they come out or even fully realize that they're gay. Most of them do it so they can keep fucking chicks and to numb themselves from the feelings they have for men or a certain man. I know a guy that broke both of his hands fighting because someone called him gay. Ridiculous. Poor boys

[Innersoul1]

This was way better when it was the "Homosexuals" thread! It made me chuckle every time!

[kw5150]

Can we close this thread now? lol

[freeweed]

Originally Posted by Rusty van Reddick

Anyway saying "I'm not sexually attracted to Asians" is not racist. Not remotely. I'm not sexually attracted to women- that doesn't make me sexist. Straight men not being attracted to men doesn't make them homophobic. Saying "I refuse to hire blacks" or "Asians shouldn't be allowed in universities" is racist.

Thank you. I'm going to keep this phrasing in the back of my mind. It's surprising how many people think otherwise.

[freeweed]

Originally Posted by Chadillaccc

because basically every gay dude in Calgary is an ass wipe, in a relationship, or emotionally recovering from being cheated on by an ex, the guy I'm dating lives 3 hours away

So is every straight dude, and chick.

I find it fascinating to see so much discussion about things I can only begin to grasp (some of it is just terminology, granted) - and then read something like this that basically holds true everywhere.

It was a bit of a revelation as a young adult to realize that gay people have to deal with exactly the same issues as "everyone else". I mean it's obvious in hindsight, but there still exist many stereotypes and misconceptions that somehow things are "just so different" between the straight and gay worlds. I've met many young gay guys that think comments like yours don't apply to the straight community, so in case you were wondering... nope, pretty much everyone has it bad If you're already aware of this, then ignore me.

[Chadillaccc]

I agree, however, straight people have it made through the soul fact that there are more of you and a vastly larger dating pool.

[Dr Nevergold]

Originally Posted by Chadillaccc

Dang, money thrown at you and free uni? Sounds like a dream. Growing up gay sucks, but it rocks (mostly) now. So that's good.

In my experience with the vast number of closet dudes in this city, I'd say that guys that don't come out early enough turn into crazy alcoholics/drug addicts long before they come out or even fully realize that they're gay. Most of them do it so they can keep fucking chicks and to numb themselves from the feelings they have for men or a certain man. I know a guy that broke both of his hands fighting because someone called him gay. Ridiculous. Poor boys

As much as you've mentioned closeted dudes, it makes me think you're hooking up with every last one you've met. Stories??

[Radley77]

Originally Posted by Brandon716

As far as bear goes, I really hate the term bear, cub, and whatever else the gay community thinks up.

Yeah, agree with this. Im not hairy enough to be an otter, big enough to be a bear and not skinny enough to be a twink. Too much of an engineer/scientist mindset to fit a queer or flaming label either.

[Dr Nevergold]

^There's nothing wrong with being any of the above, I just cannot stand the labels.

Anyway, Chad that was meant as humour as much as anything, hope you don't mind.

[freeweed]

Originally Posted by Chadillaccc

I agree, however, straight people have it made through the soul fact that there are more of you and a vastly larger dating pool.

While I would disagree that people "have it made", yeah, the larger pool makes it a bit easier.

Depends what you're looking for, though. I've always been envious of the gay community because people aren't so freaking obsessed with satisfying their parents and cultural norms by getting married and having children. I may be sounding naive here, but gay folks that I know tend to be looking for the same things I am: sex, and/or companionship. And that's it. Not some society-driven lifestyle that they spend half their lives striving for, only to whine about it constantly once they get it.

When gay couples acquire children, it's always because they WANT them. Hell, they have to work for them. With straight couples, half the time it's because they can't figure out birth control. I've always found gay parents to be better parents overall as a result, much to the chagrin of my anti-gay-parents friends and family.

[freeweed]

Originally Posted by Brandon716

^There's nothing wrong with being any of the above, I just cannot stand the labels.

Me either, and I realize I'm not exactly entitled to have an opinion.

Whether anyone in the gay community cares or not, I can't say and maybe it's none of my business. But a lot of these labels don't exactly engender gay people to folks who are just learning to be tolerant. A lot of them come across a bit "gross" - and some are downright creepy. The Dad/Son label is one thing that homophobes use to "prove" that gay men are all pedophiles.

I think it's ludicrous, but that's how it is.

[kw5150]

Do you have any idea how badly it hurt to realize I didnt fit the straight lifestyle and would not be having a wife and kids? On top of that I was told I could not get married. Kind of leaves a pit in the stomach. Please stop making it seem like gay life has been so easy when in fact, it has not. Were not all emotionless whores that dont care about family. lol

Originally Posted by freeweed

While I would disagree that people "have it made", yeah, the larger pool makes it a bit easier.

Depends what you're looking for, though. I've always been envious of the gay community because people aren't so freaking obsessed with satisfying their parents and cultural norms by getting married and having children. I may be sounding naive here, but gay folks that I know tend to be looking for the same things I am: sex, and/or companionship. And that's it. Not some society-driven lifestyle that they spend half their lives striving for, only to whine about it constantly once they get it.

When gay couples acquire children, it's always because they WANT them. Hell, they have to work for them. With straight couples, half the time it's because they can't figure out birth control. I've always found gay parents to be better parents overall as a result, much to the chagrin of my anti-gay-parents friends and family.

[Dr Nevergold]

Originally Posted by freeweed

Me either, and I realize I'm not exactly entitled to have an opinion.

Whether anyone in the gay community cares or not, I can't say and maybe it's none of my business. But a lot of these labels don't exactly engender gay people to folks who are just learning to be tolerant. A lot of them come across a bit "gross" - and some are downright creepy. The Dad/Son label is one thing that homophobes use to "prove" that gay men are all pedophiles.

I think it's ludicrous, but that's how it is.

What I think the larger "straight" community doesn't realize is that there are more old straight men who bang teenage or 20 year old girls as there are in the gay world. Due to the disproportionate size of the population, there are in fact many more older straight men who do this.

Its in the news all the time, didn't Hugh Hefner just marry someone in their 20's?

This daddy-son role play isn't unique to the gay community, and to be honest I think we should all be open minded enough to respect personal interests regardless. While I don't get why a 20 year old would be interested in an 80 year old, she should have a right to marry Hefner. LOL To each their own. Actually, I don't even understand why our laws forbid sex between teenagers and someone who is an "adult" and 20 years old. I've never understood why our laws are the way they are, if you're 80 you can marry someone that is 20, but if you're 20 and bang a 15 year old then you're a rapist, even if it was willing on both sides??

Anyway, I'm getting off message, the point is that this kind of stuff happens in the straight world more. This is something about the gay equality movement that I think should be more clearly understood by the religious evangelicals and the anti-gay types, the gay world really isn't so structurally different from the straight world. There are quiet and non-sexual gays, there are quiet and sexually hedonistic gays. There are loud, outspoken gay males, there are people who even like gender bending. There are other gay guys or girls that detest even remotely looking like the opposite sex, lipstick lesbians and masculine gay men exist all over the place.

The problem as I see it is the anti-gay movement narrows down the argument down to too small of a level, compares a very stereotypical behavior of a few people in the community and just because they find it "icky" they parade around how evil it is, but they don't realize their own world contains the same thing.

Straight men are just as boned up, just as dirty, just as kinky as the average gay male, what I think makes it harder in the gay world is that there's so few of us, and traditionally we have only had bars, online websites, and hookup apps to congregate and meet one another.

In the straight world you can meet people anywhere: the office, an interest group, a church, through family at a young or older age, and etc.

In the gay world we usually aren't brought up in an environment where parents are poking jokes at age 10 "do you have a boyfriend" and encouraging things in that way. That really underpins a lot of the differences between straight and gay life.

Relating to your gay men don't try and fulfill a role society has set out for them, you're right. Most gay guys, myself included, have no choice. We have to run from the past as our past has no structure for us.