The Great Canadian City Insult Thread

[SignalHillHiker]

I think this is a famous quote about somewhere else, but when Barenaked Ladies were here for the Junos they said St. John’s is a great city and it’ll be even better when it’s finished.

My fave local one (which are never actually insulting) is about the nonsensical AND shitty roads. Tourist stops and asks someone on Kenmount Road, “Hey buddy how do I get to Signal Hill?” And buddy thinks a bit then says, “Actually, I don’t think you can get there from here.”

One I learned on this site… Jan Morris’ “primitive San Francisco” cracks me up every time it comes to mind. Part of a compliment with backbone lol

Morris finds St. John's (Newfoundland) the most entertaining town in North America: ``windy, fishy, anecdotal, proud, weather-beaten, quirky, obliging, ornery, and fun,'' full of irresistible talkers about themselves and their festivals, dramatically fjord-like harbor, and chunky wooden streets whose ``kind of throwaway picturesqueness [suggests] to me sometimes a primitive San Francisco, sometimes Bergen in Norway, occasionally China, and often an Ireland of long ago.''

[MolsonExport]

There are a number of things to do in Okotoks.

[Coldrsx]

519 eh?

[rousseau]

Not surprised that this thread proves that Canadians don't have much of a sense of humour. Still, though, some of these are confounding.

Originally Posted by urbandreamer

Going on a date in Toronto? Bring a paper bag.

You got me here. What does this mean? That your date is undoubtedly going to be a big city left-wing eco-conservationist cliché that would be furious if somehow you ended up purchasing something requiring a bag, and the bag offered was plastic?

Originally Posted by Architype

The only thing worth seeing in Windsor is Detroit.
The only thing worth seeing in Hamilton is Toronto.

Detroit isn't "in" Windsor, and Toronto isn't "in" Hamilton. You could have gone with "the best thing about Hamilton is the QEW to Toronto," maybe.

[Architype]

Originally Posted by MolsonExport

There are a number of things to do in Okotoks.

And that number isn't very high.

Originally Posted by rousseau

Not surprised that this thread proves that Canadians don't have much of a sense of humour. Still, though, some of these are confounding.
...
Detroit isn't "in" Windsor, and Toronto isn't "in" Hamilton. You could have gone with "the best thing about Hamilton is the QEW to Toronto," maybe.

But you can "see it" across the river or the lake in some fashion when you are there, thanks for the semantics lesson though.

[rousseau]

Originally Posted by Architype

But you can "see it" across the river or the lake in some fashion when you are there, thanks for the semantics lesson though.

Er, what? You can see Hoboken from Manhattan, too. Doesn't mean Manhattan is in Hoboken.

[Architype]

Originally Posted by rousseau

Er, what? You can see Hoboken from Manhattan, too. Doesn't mean Manhattan is in Hoboken.

Obtuse much?

[rousseau]

Originally Posted by Architype

Obtuse much?

Q: What's worth doing in Hamilton?
A: Going to Toronto.

That wouldn't draw blanks. What you said would, though. If you're going to make a joke or an insult, it has to work/make sense on some level.

[Architype]

Originally Posted by rousseau

Q: What's worth doing in Hamilton?
A: Going to Toronto.

That wouldn't draw blanks. What you said would, though. If you're going to make a joke or an insult, it has to work/make sense on some level.

Even Seinfeld had to try out jokes on his audience.
So here is another try.

Q: What is the best thing to see when in Hamilton?
A: Toronto, on a clear day you can see it in the distance.

Q: What is there to do when in Windsor?
A: Stand by the river and look at Detroit!

[theman23]

Originally Posted by urbandreamer

Is Chatham halal? The pizza sure isn't.

Other great zingers you might want to add to your repertoire:

What did the cow say to the rhino? Moove it.

What do you get when you cross a pinball machine with a wallet? A bad credit score.

What did the wall say to the blinds? Nice shades.

[urbandreamer]

It's not funny if you have to explain the joke I guess?

1) Is Chatham kosher/halal? The pizza sure isn't.
Translation: there's ham in Chatham. Hawaiian pizza was invented in Chatham.

2) Going on a date in Toronto? Bring a paper bag.
Translation: Toronto's got a nice body but an ugly face.

Why did you stop in Kingston? To go to jail.

[le calmar]

Originally Posted by urbandreamer

It's not funny if you have to explain the joke I guess?

I didn’t get it either. Does it have to do with Mennonites?

[kwoldtimer]

Originally Posted by urbandreamer

It's not funny if you have to explain the joke I guess?

1) Is Chatham kosher/halal? The pizza sure isn't.
Translation: there's ham in Chatham. Hawaiian pizza was invented in Chatham.

2) Going on a date in Toronto? Bring a paper bag.
Translation: Toronto's got a nice body but an ugly face.

Why did you stop in Kingston? To go to jail.

Re 1) Ohh, I see. I totally didn't get that. I thought Hawaiin pizza came from Windsor.

[urbandreamer]

What's there to do in Mennonite Corner (Ontario)?
Pumpkin

[kwoldtimer]

Well now, that's just rude!

[O-tacular]

Originally Posted by MolsonExport

Doesn't need a punchline:

Our hula hoop of shame.

In its defense there's not a lot to see on that section of the highway.

[ssiguy]

Q.........How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A.........2. One to screw in the lightbulb and the other to fly to New York to see how they're doing it.

Q..........What's the difference between Calgary & cheese?
A..........One has culture.

[Dengler Avenue]

A good old one: Coming from Vancouver, the Interior is beyond Hope.

[Razor]

Originally Posted by ssiguy

Q.........How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A.........2. One to screw in the lightbulb and the other to fly to New York to see how they're doing it.

Q..........What's the difference between Calgary & cheese?
A..........One has culture.

Ha..Both good ones!

Q- Did you hear about the Earthquake in St. John's?
A- They all thought that Quebec was separating.

[SignalHillHiker]

We have a local version of that - school kids joke if Quebec separates, we’ll just float out to sea.

There’s also “half hour ahead and a century behind”.

Opposite of the Canary Islands expression RE Spain “Hour behind and a century ahead”.