Southwest Forum Joke Thread

[Vicelord John]

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

[HooverDam]

Since a few folks have asked me to keep them abreast of when I do a bigger show, I have one coming up tomorrow night if anyone's planning on being bored. Its at this place Sangria on 59th Ave and Utopia for all you West siders. I haven't seen the headliner, Eric Schwartz, but apparently he's quite good. The place turns into like a dance/night club (Scottsdale style) afterwards as well and you don't have to pay any extra for that if you wanna boogie. Also I should mention the waitresses are all hot, thats really the main selling point.

So if you decide you want to come and they ask at the door who you're there to see mention my name (Will Novak) and Ill get a tiny, itty bitty paycheck kickback from it, hooray. Also if you buy tickets on their site today I think theyre 2 for 1 or reduced or something.

/end shameless self promotion

[PHX31]

I would, however, I can't make it out there tomorrow night. Keep the updates coming.

[phxgreenfire]

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon...

...and Michael Jackson raped children.

[HooverDam]

Originally Posted by PHX31

I would, however, I can't make it out there tomorrow night. Keep the updates coming.

Its no biggie, I dont really expect anyone to go, I just figure I toss it out there.

Originally Posted by phxgreenfire

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon...

...and Michael Jackson raped children.

I generally don't like jokey jokes, but that kinda made me laugh.

If you like 'whats the difference' jokes, check out my buddy John Griggs, he's full of them!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGoUcR2lWZc

[HooverDam]

Just as a general note, there is now a weekly (no cover!) Comedy show going on at the bar inside the Hotel San Carlos. Its Saturday nights at 9pm, I performed there this week and the crowd was smallish (20 ppl maybe) but it was a lot of fun.

I met the owner of Sonoma Casual Dining, who also runs the bar inside the San Carlos (which is going to be re-dubbed "The Ghost Lounge" or maybe Ghost Bar, I forget) he said he's redoing where the old Silver Spoon Cafe was along Central and it should be open in a month maybe. It sounds like its going to be a breakfast/lunch, sandwiches, cafe sorta place.

EDIT: VV Not sure, I suppose I can post about it when I do know more.

[PHX31]

when are you performing there again?

[Phxguy]

"Due to the economy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off"
~God

[Vicelord John]

Still waiting to see you perform... as long as I'm not in the splash zone.

[HooverDam]

^A buddy and I are trying to put together a tour of the Midwest (Phx to St Louis and back) in July. But leading up to that we're going to try to do a show every night in the Valley for a week to try to raise some money for gas for the trip. Once I have the dates hammered out for that Phoenix week Ill try to remember to post them here and people can come out if so inclined.

I performed in Glendale tonight and ate it, but so did the professional guys from LA so I guess I feel less bad. Bad room as they say, ah well.

[Phxguy]

Blonde joke......
There are 3 blondes and a berrnat all climbing up a rope to the top of a tall mountain. Suddenly the rope starts to break and one of them must sacrafice their lives inorder for the rope to remain intact.
The first blonde goes, " Well I'm the most beautiful of all of us and I have to share my beauty with the world"
The second blonde goes, " Well I'm the smartest and I have to share my knowlegde with the world."
The third replies, " Well I'm the most popular one, I have to be with my friends who love me."
The bernate starts a long speech about how she will save all of their lives by jumping off and plunging thousands of feet to her death just for them.
After the long speech the 3 blondes are very touched. And what do they do?
They clap.

So HooverDam where's the next place you preform at?

[HooverDam]

Originally Posted by Phxguy

So HooverDam where's the next place you preform at?

So a buddy of mine and I are going on a little home made tour, Phoenix to St Louis and back. We're doing a ton of cities, not all of them lined up just yet (stoner comedians who run comedy rooms don't exactly get back to you on time, its frustrating!) but it should be fun. Lots of sleeping at Flying Js in my car like pseudo hobos.

But to get ready for the tour we're doing shows every day this week in Phoenix. The schedule is (all of these shows are no cover):

~Tonight, Monday June 28th, 9pm. "The Turf" 1st St and Pierce. Im hosting the show, my buddy/partner is closing it out.

~Tuesday, June 29th "Plazma" 9pm. 1560 E Osborn. This place is a gay bar and they just recently started doing comedy shows, I haven't performed there as of yet and it may suck, so Id try to go to another one of the shows if one was interested.

~ Wednesday, June 30th, "Arcadia Ice House Tavern," 8:30pm. 3855 E Thomas. Its attached to the Ice Rink and you have to go BEHIND the shopping center, it used to be inside the old Tower Plaza Mall I believe. Its tricky to find but its a neat bar, one entire wall is glass that looks into the ice rink.

~Thursday July 1st, "The Hidden House", 8:30pm 7th Ave and Osborn. This will be the final bon voyage show, they have a $6 pork chop dinner on Thursday, Im not sure if this is a steal or if its scary.

You can also follow the tour at our website where we'll be updating with stories of the road, schedules, photos, maybe video at:
ThisIsItComedy.com

or on Facebook or on Twitter.

Oh yah, its called the "This Is It" Comedy Tour, mostly because we couldn't think of another name and the one year anniversary of Michael Jacksons passing was on TV a bunch on the day we decided it.

[Phxguy]

Originally Posted by HooverDam

So a buddy of mine and I are going on a little home made tour, Phoenix to St Louis and back. We're doing a ton of cities, not all of them lined up just yet (stoner comedians who run comedy rooms don't exactly get back to you on time, its frustrating!) but it should be fun. Lots of sleeping at Flying Js in my car like pseudo hobos.

But to get ready for the tour we're doing shows every day this week in Phoenix. The schedule is (all of these shows are no cover):

~Tonight, Monday June 28th, 9pm. "The Turf" 1st St and Pierce. Im hosting the show, my buddy/partner is closing it out.

~Tuesday, June 29th "Plazma" 9pm. 1560 E Osborn. This place is a gay bar and they just recently started doing comedy shows, I haven't performed there as of yet and it may suck, so Id try to go to another one of the shows if one was interested.

~ Wednesday, June 30th, "Arcadia Ice House Tavern," 8:30pm. 3855 E Thomas. Its attached to the Ice Rink and you have to go BEHIND the shopping center, it used to be inside the old Tower Plaza Mall I believe. Its tricky to find but its a neat bar, one entire wall is glass that looks into the ice rink.

~Thursday July 1st, "The Hidden House", 8:30pm 7th Ave and Osborn. This will be the final bon voyage show, they have a $6 pork chop dinner on Thursday, Im not sure if this is a steal or if its scary.

You can also follow the tour at our website where we'll be updating with stories of the road, schedules, photos, maybe video at:
ThisIsItComedy.com

or on Facebook or on Twitter.

Oh yah, its called the "This Is It" Comedy Tour, mostly because we couldn't think of another name and the one year anniversary of Michael Jacksons passing was on TV a bunch on the day we decided it.

So your doing no shows in Mesa? Dang. Well it sounds like all of your shows are well planned out and in different sections of Phoenix. Haveb you thought about doing a show at the new comedy club at Cityscape when it opens? I'm sure it'll attract a lot of people who just got off of work or the new crowd that enjoys downtown.

[HooverDam]

Originally Posted by Phxguy

So your doing no shows in Mesa? Dang. Well it sounds like all of your shows are well planned out and in different sections of Phoenix. Haveb you thought about doing a show at the new comedy club at Cityscape when it opens? I'm sure it'll attract a lot of people who just got off of work or the new crowd that enjoys downtown.

Sadly as with most things nightlife, Mesa isn't exactly a happening spot for comedy. Most of the people who run comedy nights in town live in Central Phoenix, so for their own convenience schedule them in CenPho as well.

Id love to do the place at CityScape, but its going to be a big time venue, Im a nobody. From what Ive heard about the guy whos going to be running it (he used to run the Improv) he's not exactly a big supporter of local talent. If you don't have TV credits, you can fuck off as far as he's concerned. There might be a small side room there he lets locals up on (the Improv has something like this, as do most clubs in LA), but all the articles about the club in articles so far haven't mentioned that.

Anyway, hopefully Ill be able to work my way up to regularly opening or featuring there and at the Improv, thats my goal for the next year after we get back from our Midwest tour de force.

[Phxguy]

Originally Posted by HooverDam

Sadly as with most things nightlife, Mesa isn't exactly a happening spot for comedy. Most of the people who run comedy nights in town live in Central Phoenix, so for their own convenience schedule them in CenPho as well.

Id love to do the place at CityScape, but its going to be a big time venue, Im a nobody. From what Ive heard about the guy whos going to be running it (he used to run the Improv) he's not exactly a big supporter of local talent. If you don't have TV credits, you can fuck off as far as he's concerned. There might be a small side room there he lets locals up on (the Improv has something like this, as do most clubs in LA), but all the articles about the club in articles so far haven't mentioned that.

Anyway, hopefully Ill be able to work my way up to regularly opening or featuring there and at the Improv, thats my goal for the next year after we get back from our Midwest tour de force.

Nice, hopefully things for you start picking up while your in the Midwest (never really knew Midwesterners would be fans of comedy from the cities). But with that you'll be traveling around and making your self known at least. I'm still a high school student who still has a lot to go through before I begin my plans that'll shape donwtown Phoenix and the rest of the valley. How'd join a traveling comedy club?

[volguus zildrohar]

Originally Posted by PHX4EVER

Q: WHY BLACK GUY WEAR GLOVES WHEN EATING CHOCOLATE.

A: SO HE DOSN'T BITE HIS FINGERS.

That's why I stick to caramel.

[HooverDam]

Hey so I made a handy dandy Google Map of all the weekly comedy shows in the greater Phoenix area. So if youre ever wanting to come to one, you can use this:


http://tinyurl.com/28zypl3

[HooverDam]

If anyone is bored this Thursday at 9pm Im hosting a live version of the old Match Game show at Monkey Pants Bar on Southern and Mill in Tempe. Six local comedians are each going to do short 7 (or so) minute sets, then we'll play the Match Game with two volunteers from the audience. The winner will get a $20 gift card to the bar and the show is free to attend.

We've got some real good comics on the show, guys who have been at the Improv regularly too, a guy who's been on Jimmy Kimmel, etc., so it should be a good quality show and certainly something different with the game show element added in.

EDIT: VV Haha I know what you mean, Im hoping the game is over by 9 (it should be) and a success for the good guys (ASU).

[Tempe_Duck]

Originally Posted by HooverDam

If anyone is bored this Thursday at 9pm Im hosting a live version of the old Match Game show at Monkey Pants Bar on Southern and Mill in Tempe. Six local comedians are each going to do short 7 (or so) minute sets, then we'll play the Match Game with two volunteers from the audience. The winner will get a $20 gift card to the bar and the show is free to attend.

We've got some real good comics on the show, guys who have been at the Improv regularly too, a guy who's been on Jimmy Kimmel, etc., so it should be a good quality show and certainly something different with the game show element added in.

I might show up, I live just up the street from there. The only hang up will be my attitude after the ASU/UA game. GO DEVILS!

[Vicelord John]

Monkey pants. Oh the memories, or lack thereof...