The Dad Thread

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by esquire

I would have done it, but my wife was not on board. I wanted to buy a condo when we got married but my wife preferred SFH.

That first SFH of ours was actually a new infill home in an older neighbourhood... the kind that neighbours hate because it towers over the houses on the block, etc. However, there was no backyard. Just a small back deck and parking.

We decided to move to the burbs partly out of a sense that the kids should have a yard to play in as they grew. As it turns out, the kids more or less lost interest in the backyard within about 4 years. It was extended somewhat by the pandemic, otherwise it would have been shorter.

I think in the end we probably got more mileage from the neighbourhood park that was a 90 second walk away than we do from our backyard which really isn't all that spectacular... just a little patch of grass. Even the play structure and trampoline aren't all that enticing to the kids.

In hindsight, we would have been just fine in the condo, or more specifically, with our previous, more urban SFH.

You should get a backyard swimming pool, preferably a heated one! Assuming you don't already have one.

I have a pretty big backyard and even with my pool set-up there is still lots of grass to run around on.

My kids lost interest in the green part of the backyard around ages 8-10, though at that time they were already busy with organized activities evenings and weekends.

Interest in the pool persisted far longer. Obviously as older teens it wasn't so much for splashing around and playing as it was for chilling with friends and catching rays.

[harls]

Originally Posted by Acajack

You should get a backyard swimming pool, preferably a heated one! Assuming you don't already have one.

I have a pretty big backyard and even with my pool set-up there is still lots of grass to run around on.

My kids lost interest in the green part of the backyard around ages 8-10, though at that time they were already busy with organized activities evenings and weekends.

Interest in the pool persisted far longer. Obviously as older teens it wasn't so much for splashing around and playing as it was for chilling with friends and catching rays.

I raised my kids in a semi-detached place, and I have a pretty big back yard that is adjacent to a school yard. They would rather stick to their PCs.

[O-tacular]

I really could have used a back yard the last few years (particularly during lockdowns). I also cursed our open concept floorplan in our townhouse. Now I’m cursing only having 2 bedrooms as we’ve had to keep the baby in ours for longer.

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by harls

I raised my kids in a semi-detached place, and I have a pretty big back yard that is adjacent to a school yard. They would rather stick to their PCs.

We largely escaped the electronic device obsession until my kids were in their early teens. They weren't really interested in video games, though they did watch bit of TV.

Oh yeah, and like Esquire's in terms of play structures and such my kids were often more interested in the neighbourhood park than our backyard structure.

[esquire]

Originally Posted by Acajack

You should get a backyard swimming pool, preferably a heated one! Assuming you don't already have one.

I have a pretty big backyard and even with my pool set-up there is still lots of grass to run around on.

My kids lost interest in the green part of the backyard around ages 8-10, though at that time they were already busy with organized activities evenings and weekends.

Interest in the pool persisted far longer. Obviously as older teens it wasn't so much for splashing around and playing as it was for chilling with friends and catching rays.

You know, it's kind of funny, when my wife and I were house hunting we considered a pool a knock on a house. Maybe we are just too safety obsessive, I don't know, but it wasn't something we were looking for at a time when the kids were very young

I can definitely see the benefits of a pool, though. Had we known what was coming a few years later with the pandemic, we might have looked at it differently. That said, I won't be putting one in. My backyard is not huge and a pool would swallow it right up. Maybe a hot tub, but that's about it.

As for condo living, HomeInMyShoes did make a good point, noise is touchy in MURB settings. I'm sure it would have felt awkward having two shrieking babies/toddlers in a condo. But hey, people manage with that every day.

[MolsonExport]

Originally Posted by Acajack

You should get a backyard swimming pool, preferably a heated one! Assuming you don't already have one.

I have a pretty big backyard and even with my pool set-up there is still lots of grass to run around on.

My kids lost interest in the green part of the backyard around ages 8-10, though at that time they were already busy with organized activities evenings and weekends.

Interest in the pool persisted far longer. Obviously as older teens it wasn't so much for splashing around and playing as it was for chilling with friends and catching rays.

I have a heated inground (salt) pool with a very a large backyard.

I love and hate the pool. I love the way it looks, and the way it feels on a hot day. I love all the great memories with the kids and the pool.

But fuck, what a fucking pain in the ass that pool is. Going on vacation? Gotta get someone to check on the pool. Daily pool skimmer basket cleaning and robot deploying. Weekly longer cleanups and chemistry checking. Monthly opening up the filtration system and cleaning out the filter cartridges. Bimonthly cleaning the salt cell. Opening/closing? Best to get professionals to get the job right, and well, that's not free. Oh, what's that, the heater/pump/motherboard/robot/salt-cell is not working? Just drop a few thousand dollars. Every fucking year I have to shell out thousands for that fucking pool.

[esquire]

^ The cost of maintenance did play into my thinking for sure.

It sounds like Acajack gets tremendous use and therefore value out of his pool, but I don't think it would be the same for me. I remember when I built the play structure and the trampoline (a fairly big one), I thought my kids would go nuts for them... I know I would have as a kid... but they started ignoring them pretty quickly. I suspect a pool would end up the same way.

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by esquire

^ The cost of maintenance did play into my thinking for sure.

It sounds like Acajack gets tremendous use and therefore value out of his pool, but I don't think it would be the same for me. I remember when I built the play structure and the trampoline (a fairly big one), I thought my kids would go nuts for them... I know I would have as a kid... but they started ignoring them pretty quickly. I suspect a pool would end up the same way.

It's lots of work as Molson says, but it's gotten a lot of use over the years for sure. My kids go in a lot less of course but they and we still have pool gatherings with friends regularly over the summer.

I basically go in it almost daily from May to September as I try to bike at least a bit every day, and when I do my routine is to have a swim in the pool when I get home.

[hipster duck]

Originally Posted by esquire

^ The cost of maintenance did play into my thinking for sure.

It sounds like Acajack gets tremendous use and therefore value out of his pool, but I don't think it would be the same for me. I remember when I built the play structure and the trampoline (a fairly big one), I thought my kids would go nuts for them... I know I would have as a kid... but they started ignoring them pretty quickly. I suspect a pool would end up the same way.

Maybe it's different in Quebec because there are so many pools that there might be an expectation that if you have a suburban house that costs $X or more, that there must be a pool - kind of like quartz countertops or air conditioning. And if you have a pool culture there are probably a ton of companies specializing in pool maintenance, etc.

Every realtor I've spoken to in Ontario thinks that building a pool is not a worthwhile investment.

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by hipster duck

Maybe it's different in Quebec because there are so many pools that there might be an expectation that if you have a suburban house that costs $X or more, that there must be a pool - kind of like quartz countertops or air conditioning. And if you have a pool culture there are probably a ton of companies specializing in pool maintenance, etc.

Every realtor I've spoken to in Ontario thinks that building a pool is not a worthwhile investment.

It's also often seen as an overall negative in Quebec, with some caveats. An above-ground pool is a negative, even moreso if it takes up most of a small yard.

An in-ground is better, and even better if there is yard space left over.

[harls]

Just be like me and have wealthy friends nearby that have a pool and spa. Go over whenever you like. Let them take care of the maintenance.

[MolsonExport]

^you could also go to Nordik Spa in Chelsea. That place is great!

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by MolsonExport

^you could also go to Nordik Spa in Chelsea. That place is great!

Yeah but it's easily a hundred bucks a pop per person now.

[O-tacular]

Originally Posted by Pavlov

This is a really great thread. Its a nice change from a lot of the discussion on SSP over the past number of years.

I have two sons: one just turned four years old and the other is ten months old. I just turned 45 (does the make me the latest bloomer so far in this thread?).

Fatherhood has been an incredible experience. In my youth, I fancied myself a globe-trotting intellectual/adventure-seeker. I looked down on parenthood as a sort of "opium for the masses" who lacked my sense of adventure. Suffice to say, I was utterly wrong (and a pompous ass).

My experience has been so rewarding. It truly changed the way I reflect back on my own life, my own childhood, and think ahead about my own mortality.

Like others, it has also been incredibly difficult. My wife and I both have very demanding, very stressful professional jobs. As we waited so long to have children, we're both at a point in our careers where we're expected to be at our peaks (in terms of performance and commitment). Juggling that with the incredible demands of raising two young children has been very difficult.

Also, our nearest family (my mother-in-law) lives 400 km away (and she isn't willing or able to babysit, even for short periods of time). My wife and I literally have had one "date night" in four years.

All of this pressure has contributed to (or exacerbated) certain relationship troubles. We've slowly grown out of love. We've discussed separation. Obviously, we both want to do what is best for our children and our family, but it is so hard to know what that is. We're working on it.

Anyway, thanks again for this thread. Now that I've moved away from my childhood home, my relationships with friends and families isn't the same as it was, so I don't have a lot of people to vent to. Venting to anonymous SSP forumers feels surprisingly good.

Sorry to quote this from so long ago. How have you guys been doing? Any advice on how not to turn on each other when there’s no breaks and endless fires to put out? There are times where to maintain one’s sanity and not hurt the children the only person you can vent at is your partner. Also having 1 hour of free time per day at 10 pm doesn’t really help intimacy or even basic romance.

[O-tacular]

On a positive note I have not had to listen to any horrible YouTube Kids songs in over a week now! Transitioned the toddler to no phone time (only occasional tablet time with only set videos and games). Man I won’t miss the endless versions of 5 finger family, Johnny Johnny and the entire D Billions catalogue. It had its time and place but glad to move on.

[harls]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

On a positive note I have not had to listen to any horrible YouTube Kids songs in over a week now! Transitioned the toddler to no phone time (only occasional tablet time with only set videos and games). Man I won’t miss the endless versions of 5 finger family, Johnny Johnny and the entire D Billions catalogue. It had its time and place but glad to move on.

My oldest (soon to be 16) watches actual interesting content on Youtube. My 13 year old is hooked on videogame b-roll crap whilst the host screams. I can't wait for him to become disinterested in this dreck.

[MolsonExport]

I don't miss the days of "Wonderpets", "Four Square" (and the insufferable 'Captain Hup'...Captain Hupette was better), "Into the Night Garden", and "This is Emily Yeung"/"This is Daniel Cook").

Captain Hup. Look at this dweeb.


Heppity heppity heppity hop

Hoopla hoopla hoo hoo

Heppity heppity heppity hop

Hoopla heply ho

Heppity heppity heppity hop

Hoopla hoopla hoo hoo

Heppity heppity heppity hop

Hoopla heply ho

Hoopla heply ho

Hoopla heply ho... (dancers leave the shot)

[harls]

I think I liked 4 Square because of the tight suits on the hupettes.

Broke up the monotony of Daniel Cook, the tumblyboos of Night Garden, Max and Ruby, Toopy and Binoo, and my most favorite of all.. CAILLOU.

[esquire]

Originally Posted by harls

I think I liked 4 Square because of the tight suits on the hupettes.

Broke up the monotony of Daniel Cook, the tumblyboos of Night Garden, Max and Ruby, Toopy and Binoo, and my most favorite of all.. CAILLOU.

I never found Caillou all that annoying?!

My youngest has good taste in her viewing, she likes to watch shows on Disney+, she is young enough to enjoy Bluey which is a very cute and sweet Australian cartoon.

My oldest, on the other hand, is a big YouTube guy. Jesse Pollock from TSN Bardown is his idol A steady stream of sports highlight videos as well as Youtubers like Dude Perfect (which is actually pretty amusing and fun), Preston Playz (Minecraft videos... ) and MrBeast. I have to say it's probably better than the age-inappropriate crap I was watching at his age

[TimB09]

Originally Posted by esquire

I never found Caillou all that annoying?!

My youngest has good taste in her viewing, she likes to watch shows on Disney+, she is young enough to enjoy Bluey which is a very cute and sweet Australian cartoon.

My oldest, on the other hand, is a big YouTube guy. Jesse Pollock from TSN Bardown is his idol A steady stream of sports highlight videos as well as Youtubers like Dude Perfect (which is actually pretty amusing and fun), Preston Playz (Minecraft videos... ) and MrBeast. I have to say it's probably better than the age-inappropriate crap I was watching at his age

Bluey is huge in our house right now and I have no issues with it at all. It's a good show. Spidey and Friends is also a hit in our house right now too.