Check out this piece of shit editorial from Naomi Lakritz in today's paper:
All a-Twitter about Druh's street party
By Naomi Lakritz, Calgary HeraldMay 15, 2009
"Twitter," says Twitter's website, "is a service for friends, family and coworkers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?"
What am I doing? Well, stay tuned, Herald readers, because I'm down here on Memorial Drive on a hot Sunday morning in August, waiting for Ald. Druh Farrell's block party to start, and I am so excited about the prospect of partying on this patch of previously boring and unremarkable pavement that I got up at 5 a. m., just so I wouldn't be late.
This is the block party to end all block parties--and it's right in the middle of a major metropolitan crosstown street.
If it's a smashing success, other cities will be sooooo envious. I bet next year the entire Trans-Canada Highway will be closed for four hours on a Sunday so the whole country can party from coast to coast! There'll be a rip-roaring time in Rogers Pass, that's for sure! Oh, better log on to my Twitter account; looks like we're getting underway here.
8:50. City workers have blocked off the street. Traffic is grudgingly funnelling itself into one lane each way.
9:01. Can't wait to start partying hearty. It's a chance to meet other Calgarians. May even make lifelong friends in the next 20 minutes!
9:10. Druh Farrell says this party will "get people active." They better get here soon. In three hours and 50 minutes, they have to go back to being passive.
9:30. Pavement's hot. That's good. The snow and ice from last December's mother of all storms are gone. See? City officials knew it would melt and they were right. Who needs plows?
9:50. People are milling around aimlessly. This party is supposed to lend Calgary vibrancy. Nobody's vibrating. Everybody's wilting.
10:05. The sun is higher now. According to KOMOnews.com,Seattle, "the pavement does a great job of absorbing the energy from the sun." Too true. Pavement scorching soles of shoes. 10:10. City transportation general manager John Hubbell says 850 cars travel one way at peak times Sundays. Zero cars now travelling either way.
10:12. Traffic gridlocked. Fumes filling the air. Emissions going into the atmosphere. Global warming intensifying. David Suzuki fuming. Ice caps melting.
10:15. Tired of milling around aimlessly near the curling club. Never was a curling fan, anyway. Time to head to 10th Street and mill around aimlessly there.
10:25. Good news. Toronto Star says Dutch firm is siphoning heat from roads to heat homes and offices. Help yourselves to Memo-rial Drive asphalt, Dutch firm. Send tulips in trade.
10:45. Am milling around aimlessly at 10th Street. Crowds doing likewise. No lifelong friendships forged yet.
11:00. Star article says: "If you've ever blistered your bare feet on a hot road, you know how asphalt absorbs the sun's rays." Yes!!!!
10:40. Rap music blaring from gridlocked car. Where's Ric McIver? Shall we dance to the rap rhythm, Ric?
10:55. Sick of dancing. Nobody's making lifelong friendships. Everyone's talking to the people they came with, who they already know. What's the point of that?
11:10. The Dutch firm took solar energy from a stretch of road to help heat an apartment block. Lots of hot air on Calgary city council. Could we siphon that?
11:30.Wow! Look at the traffic backed up! They paved paradise all right --and then Druh put up this parking lot!
11:45. Need a bottle of water. Forgot. Mustn't drink bottled water. Do not want to look politically incorrect at Druh's trendy party. What to do?
12:00. Dehydration setting in. Step onto someone's lawn and run through their sprinkler open-mouthed instead.
12:05. Are we having fun yet?
12:06. No.
12:07. Not yet.
12:25. Ald. Joe Connelly said supporters of Druh's party are "out to make a political statement, that cars are bad." Partygoers drove here in cars to help them make this statement.
12:30. Joggers on river path under trees appear to be having more fun than pavement party-types. Nice cool river breezes don't reach over here. Never mind. Party on.
12:32. Can we go home now?
12:35. Druh said after angry debate in council over Memorial Drive closure: "No matter how fiery the debate is, council usually gets it right." They do?
12:55. City workers show up to remove barriers. Never so happy to see anyone in all my life! They look happy, too. Contemplating overtime on their pay-cheques.
1:00. Lovely party, Druh. Thank you for inviting me. We must do this again real soon. When? How about the third Sunday in August 2084? Can't wait. I'm all atwitter.
nlakritz@theherald. canweSt.coM
© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald
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Where do I start, how about a bunch of rolleyes?
So apparently the Herald editorial board can criticize the Plan It document for attempting to see the future but they can predict it themselves!