The Great Canadian City Insult Thread - Page 2

Razor · #21 Posted **Aug 21, 2021, 5:31 PM**

Hey Montreal? I know where you can get some concrete for real cheap!

ScreamingViking · #22 Posted **Aug 22, 2021, 7:56 PM**

A long time ago, on a website far, far away...

There was a series of pics showing the "stereotypical" fans from every CFL city. I think it was a CFL marketing schtick meant to be humourous, though today I imagine it would raise the hackles on anyone in any of those burgs.

I'm talking about what was once the "CFL Zone" but no longer exists. Not in this world anyway.

But I recall having some great discussions there. Good times. Good times.

MolsonExport · #23 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 1:29 AM**

I'm from Surrey.
I'm Sorry.

Martin Mtl · #24 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 3:47 AM**

As an old fan of The Simpsons, I couldn't resist...

ssiguy · #25 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 7:13 PM**

Q.....How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A.....One. He just holds the lightbulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

ssiguy · #26 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 7:24 PM**

Old Montreal joke...................

1st prize, a week in Toronto
2nd prize, 2 weeks in Toronto
3rd prize, 3 weeks in Toronto

rousseau · #27 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 7:37 PM**

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssiguy

Q.......... Why is Vancouver called Canada's dumb blond?
A.......... Because it's beautiful on the outside but there's nothing in the middle.

Q: Why is Vancouver called Canada's dumb blond?
A: It isn't.

The joke: People in Vancouver think that other Canadians think of it as Canada's dumb blond. Aside from when they don't think of it at all, or if asked, hear it has a reputation for being full of hippy granola-crunchers and Asians. And now, expensive houses.

rousseau · #28 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 7:37 PM**

Old Hamilton joke #1:

Q: How do you clear out a bar in Hamilton?
A: Run in and yell "Hey Mario, your Trans-Am's on fire!"

rousseau · #29 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 7:41 PM**

Old Hamilton joke #2:

Q: Why are the Ti-cats such losers?
A: Because they play at I-Never-Win Stadium.

MolsonExport · #30 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 7:49 PM**

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store. They put a Toronto Maple Leafs' jersey on it and now it sucks again.
***

Three contractors are bidding to repair a fence at the Parliament Buildings. One is from Montreal, another is from Winnipeg and the third is from Vancouver.
All three go with a public works official to examine the fence.
The Vancouver contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil ."Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."
The Winnipeg contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $7,000.
That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."
The Montreal contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the government official and whispers, "$27,000."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”"The Montreal contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Winnipeg to repair the fence.""Done!" replies the government official.
***

MolsonExport · #31 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 7:51 PM**

Doesn't need a punchline:

Acajack · #32 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 8:17 PM**

The best thing about Ottawa is the train to Montreal - Sir Wilfrid Laurier

TorontoDrew · #33 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 8:28 PM**

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssiguy

Q.....How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A.....One. He just holds the lightbulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Henry Woodward and Matthew Evans, successfully produced and patented an electric filament lamp before Thomas Edison in their Toronto lab in 1873. So proof the world has been revolving around us since at least 1873.

Razor · #34 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 8:58 PM**

Q-Why are the Canadian troops being pulled out of Afghanistan?
A- They heard that there was a slight chance of snow in Toronto.

urbandreamer · #35 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 9:03 PM**

Is Chatham halal? The pizza sure isn't.

Razor · #36 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 9:11 PM**

Q-Did you hear about that "The Bachelor Party" movie sequel that was filmed in Ottawa?
A- They had to stop production because of lack of locations and it was getting too late to film.

Okay, groan!..I tried..ha

urbandreamer · #37 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 9:23 PM**

Going on a date in Toronto? Bring a paper bag.

Dengler Avenue · #38 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 9:25 PM**

Ah speaking of date, I know of one!

“If he doesn’t mind the 401 traffic to come pick you up, he really likes you.”

urbandreamer · #39 Posted **Aug 23, 2021, 9:28 PM**

So you're moving to Kitchener, eh? Don't miss the exit.

Architype · #40 Posted **Aug 24, 2021, 12:22 AM**

The only thing worth seeing in Windsor is Detroit.
The only thing worth seeing in Hamilton is Toronto.