The Great Canadian City Insult Thread

[urbandreamer]

What happens in North York? Drive by shootings.

[ssiguy]

Q........Why did the doctor tell Quebec City to start looking out the window?
A..........Because looking at his navel all the time was hurting his neck.

[ssiguy]

This one is from 1980s Ontario.........
Q..........What do you get when you combine. Hamilton, Windsor, Waterloo, and London?
A...........A smelly greasy geek who has an alligator on his tit.

[urbanroo]

"Comparing North York to Edmonton is like comparing a stylish brick bungalow to a clapboard outhouse." -Mel Lastman

[urbanroo]

Why do all the trees on the prairies lean east? Because Toronto sucks.

[urbanroo]

"If Canada were not a country, however fragmented, but, instead, a house, Vancouver would be the solarium-cum-playroom, an afterthought of affluence; Toronto, the counting room, where money makes for the most glee; Montreal, the salon; and Edmonton, Edmonton the boiler room." -Mordecai Richler

[Loco101]

Originally Posted by urbanroo

"Comparing North York to Edmonton is like comparing a stylish brick bungalow to a clapboard outhouse." -Mel Lastman

[Loco101]

Originally Posted by urbanroo

"If Canada were not a country, however fragmented, but, instead, a house, Vancouver would be the solarium-cum-playroom, an afterthought of affluence; Toronto, the counting room, where money makes for the most glee; Montreal, the salon; and Edmonton, Edmonton the boiler room." -Mordecai Richler

LOL I've never seen that quote before. It fits the city stereotypes quite well.

[ssiguy]

Reactions to a UFO invasion............

Montrealer...............How will that effect my sex life?
Torontonian.............How will that effect my income?
Vancouverite...........How do you spell UFO?

[Acajack]

"Ottawa: armpits and earmuffs" - attributed to the late Maclean's columnist Alan Fotheringham

I think it was in reference to the city being too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter.

[Razor]

Q - How many Calgarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A- 1 million, with one person screwing said light bulb and the rest reminiscing about the 1988 Olympics.

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by Razor

Q - How many Calgarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A- 1 million, with one person screwing said light bulb and the rest reminiscing about the 1988 Olympics.

I thought they'd be complaining that if it weren't for equalization, they'd have way brighter light bulbs in every socket in town?

[MonctonRad]

Originally Posted by Acajack

I thought they'd be complaining that if it weren't for equalization, they'd have way brighter light bulbs in every socket in town?

Nah, they'd be such a shining city on a hill that they wouldn't need lightbulbs in the first place...........

[niwell]

Originally Posted by Razor

Q - How many Calgarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A- 1 million, with one person screwing said light bulb and the rest reminiscing about the 1988 Olympics.

Calgarian: Actually it's 1.4 million, making Calgary the 4th largest city in Canada - and it would be even higher if Okotoks was part of the CMA!

[Razor]

Originally Posted by niwell

Calgarian: Actually it's 1.4 million, making Calgary the 4th largest city in Canada - and it would be even higher if Okotoks was part of the CMA!

Oops! My mistake. I just stole the joke from the internet, so it was obviously an older one..haha.



So these two guys from Saskatoon decide to escape the cold weather in winter and take a vacation. They go to Australia.

Sitting in a bar down under, still wearing their touques and flannels they draw the attention of Aussies, so one gets up and approaches them.

"G'DAY mates, where you blokes from?"

"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan" one of them answers.

"Oh, alright. " replies the Aussie as he returns to his table.

"So where are they from mate?" His friend asks.

"Don't know, they don't speak English."

[lio45]

Originally Posted by MonctonRad

Nah, they'd be such a shining city on a hill that they wouldn't need lightbulbs in the first place...........

Some of those wooden shacks right outside downtown look like they probably don't even have electricity, no kidding!

[lio45]

Originally Posted by Razor

So these two guys from Saskatoon decide to escape the cold weather in winter and take a vacation. They go to Australia.

Unrealistic! Why would they go that far, when they have Maple Creek right on their doorstep?

The joke was awesome though!

[CivicBlues]

Originally Posted by Razor

Oops! My mistake. I just stole the joke from the internet, so it was obviously an older one..haha.



So these two guys from Saskatoon decide to escape the cold weather in winter and take a vacation. They go to Australia.

Sitting in a bar down under, still wearing their touques and flannels they draw the attention of Aussies, so one gets up and approaches them.

"G'DAY mates, where you blokes from?"

"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan" one of them answers.

"Oh, alright. " replies the Aussie as he returns to his table.

"So where are they from mate?" His friend asks.

"Don't know, they don't speak English."

This, this is the only funny clever joke in the entire thread so far.

[lio45]

Originally Posted by CivicBlues

This, this is the only funny clever joke in the entire thread so far.

Exactly what I thought as well

[Razor]

^ what? My homemade Canadian troops/snow storm one wasn't? Seriously though, I thought that the Sudbury one was funny.

"The six" is what you call Toronto if you were being very generous in a beauty contest."

"Montreal is this spellbound gypsy woman dancing on a wired framed balcony..Toronto is this tucked in polo shirt, sucking the Queen's dick"

Credit..Google