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Originally Posted by Aylmer
As for the disclose vs discover question, I guess it depends on what you feel most comfortable with.
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It also depends on the other people involved. If 99% of society agrees that you are female and you have a penis and conventionally date guys, you will be eventually rejected by partners almost every time, after having invested a lot of effort. Historically this also involved huge personal risk.
The people who assert that there's no difference with trans individuals and none of it's anybody's business would not generally enter into a long-term relationship with somebody who had plumbing that violated their expectations (and possibly could not produce children with them). So it's a somewhat false stance. People are only fully on board with it when it's low stakes.
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But again, sex is a private act. You don't have sex with most people you interact with on a daily basis. For the primarily social purpose of gender, sex is a relatively minor aspect.
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I disagree. I don't think we would have gender without sexual reproduction, and gender norms are essentially a part of ceremony that's designed to broadcast sexual desirability.
Open question whether asexuals are equally likely to wear mini skirts and get boob jobs or take steroids, etc. I'd guess no, and that they'd on average be perceived as a bit less sexually dimorphic yet also don't care much about it.