[mr.x]

When national really means only Toronto by Kevin Brooker

Sep 17, 2007
Source : Calgary Herald

With all the other changes that September ushers in, I've noticed another in recent years: The deepening of my love/hate relationship with Toronto.

Ah yes, the Crab Apple. Hogtown. The Big Wheezy.

Like clockwork, my bile invariably starts rising again with the monstrously overhyped Toronto International Film Festival, when every Clooney sighting becomes national news and even Calgary media carry reviews of divine Romanian coming-of-age flicks that will never appear here.

It's always a harsh reminder that even when newspapers or networks purport to be Canada's national anything, rest assured that the gang who churns them out seldom leaves the shadow of the CN Tower. Even Mississauga is only in dim focus, if at all.

Each new season of television elaborates on the concept. After all, with every last specialty channel in the country headquartered in Toronto, you've got some busy beavers out there. Need a fashion comment? Someone line up Jeanne Beker. Make sure you get Ben Mulroney in the shot. Look, there's Christine Cushing talking sports on Off The Record. Hey, guess who the guest chef is tomorrow on her cooking show. Michael Landsberg!

It's called log-rolling, and nobody does it better than Toronto. Or more un-self-consciously. Doesn't it seem odd to any of them that their so-called national networks have ads for Toronto pizza joints and political messages from Ontario premier Dalton McGuinty?

In the magazine world, autumn is also the best time for Margaret Atwood profiles. (Yeah, right. As if there is any time not supremely propitious for a Margaret Atwood profile.)

The CBC is an old hand at the game. Let's put three Toronto gasbags on a panel and call it a national discussion. Have you ever heard the radio program Sounds Like Canada? Even though they moved Sheilagh Rogers to Vancouver, it still Sounds Like Toronto.

This, of course, is not to say that Toronto lacks qualities of greatness. I lived there for a year back in 1982, having made the error of visiting in the previous June, and thinking every month would be so fine. Although I left with the belief that it's a club for the exclusive use of Queen's University grads, I do understand that it has a lot going for it.

Some things, like the transit system, are unmatched. Last month, we had a five-hour layover at Lester Pearson International. We took an express bus and then the subway downtown and got there in less than 50 minutes. Because it was a weekend, the fare was a miraculous $8.50 per family for all-day service. Queen Street was abuzz, there were several hundred thousand people on Spadina for the Chinatown Festival, and Kensington Market was at its funky best. Even the air was breathable that day. All good stuff.

But it doesn't take a long stay in Toronto to realize that this country consists of Upper Canada and Lower Canada, and we aren't in either one. I remember seeing my first red maple leaf on an autumn street and thinking, "Oh, so that's where they came up with that idea." When I later pointed out to Torontonians that it's kind of an odd choice given that Alberta, and presumably other regions, don't have maple trees, their reply was to the effect of, "Meh. What are you gonna do?"

Good question. I guess I'll carry on with the collective presumption that everyone summers in their cottage up north, that Tim Horton's is a sacred trust, and that the Royal Canadian Air Farce is worth renewing for thousands of seasons to come.

I suppose I'll also have to sit down for the upcoming 13 episodes of the new CBC-TV series Heartland, featuring a variety of Toronto actors playing cowboy in the mythical southern Alberta town of Hudson.

What a gallant way of saying that, while we are happy to bestow the honourific of heartland on you, don't kid yourself. We'll still run the show.

Kevin Brooker is a Calgary writer.

© Calgary Herald