Calgary SSP gay life

[Chadillaccc]

Originally Posted by Brandon716

As much as you've mentioned closeted dudes, it makes me think you're hooking up with every last one you've met. Stories??

I only hooked up with one basically because he made it seem like he was interested in more but I was just dumb haha, whatever though. The rest are just good guys that I like to drink with and hang out. I like to help people deal with that kinda thing because I'm a great empath and I wish that I had had anyone when I was dealing with it.

[Chadillaccc]

Originally Posted by freeweed

While I would disagree that people "have it made", yeah, the larger pool makes it a bit easier.

Depends what you're looking for, though. I've always been envious of the gay community because people aren't so freaking obsessed with satisfying their parents and cultural norms by getting married and having children. I may be sounding naive here, but gay folks that I know tend to be looking for the same things I am: sex, and/or companionship. And that's it. Not some society-driven lifestyle that they spend half their lives striving for, only to whine about it constantly once they get it.

When gay couples acquire children, it's always because they WANT them. Hell, they have to work for them. With straight couples, half the time it's because they can't figure out birth control. I've always found gay parents to be better parents overall as a result, much to the chagrin of my anti-gay-parents friends and family.

I wouldn't say that necessarily all gay couples have to WANT to have children. My boyfriend, after having dated a guy from grade 8 to grade 12, started dating a chick to try and hide who he was, they had a kid, got married, and divorced six months later. Now he has a 3 year old girl and loves her to death... basically father of the year (and so far, boyfriend of the year ) and now basically I am an instant step-mom haha and I wasn't really looking for that... but he found me and I like him so that's how it is.

[freeweed]

Originally Posted by kw5150

Do you have any idea how badly it hurt to realize I didnt fit the straight lifestyle and would not be having a wife and kids?

While I can never fully appreciate it from the "other side" - as someone who has chosen to never have a wife or kids, I can at least partially relate. The societal pressure to conform on this one is perhaps stronger than any other thing I can think of. Other than to be straight, of course. Oddly enough, I find most people that I know are MORE accepting of gay people than they are a heterosexual who willingly chooses to not have children. As always, might just be the circles I run in. But I have received this comment several times: "At least gay people KNOW they won't have kids, it's a biological impossibility. But you're a f**king freak for choosing not to when you easily could". Different pressures, and I won't even begin to argue that they're equal.

On top of that I was told I could not get married. Kind of leaves a pit in the stomach. Please stop making it seem like gay life has been so easy when in fact, it has not. Were not all emotionless whores that dont care about family. lol

Not at all what I was trying to get across, and I apologize if it came off like that. I was more thinking "within" the gay community - I don't think gay people, in general, have to filter potential partners out based on whether or not they want to reproduce with you. Again, there are other pressures that I can barely begin to understand.

But, as Chadillaccc points out - there are some interesting exceptions. I also know a number of gay people with kids from a straight relationship. Should have used "usually" instead of "always".

[freeweed]

Originally Posted by Brandon716

What I think the larger "straight" community doesn't realize is that there are more old straight men who bang teenage or 20 year old girls as there are in the gay world. Due to the disproportionate size of the population, there are in fact many more older straight men who do this.

Absolutely, and it's hypocrisy of the highest order. However, if these old men started using terms like "Daddy/Daughter" to describe these relationships, they'd face a bit more scorn.

I'm with you on the age issue - I've never understood why so many place such an importance on it.

The problem as I see it is the anti-gay movement narrows down the argument down to too small of a level, compares a very stereotypical behavior of a few people in the community and just because they find it "icky" they parade around how evil it is, but they don't realize their own world contains the same thing.

Yup. It's the same old "gay men are more likely to be pedophiles" stereotype. Which is statistically nonsense - but the perception remains all too common. What I've always found bizarre is how sexual abuse against a minor is one thing - but sexual abuse against a same-sex minor is OMG EVIL. There's an implicit condemnation of all gay people in that thought.

It's a wonderful double standard that crosses not only gender orientation lines, but gender lines period. A man of course abuses every small child he can get his hands on - but a gay man is even worse. Everyone knows this.

[kw5150]

No worries. Sorry for jumping on ya.

I struggled with accepting it quite a bit. I always wanted a family. My new partner has 4 kids but the mother wants them to have nothing to do with him because he is gay. We will win them over eventually.

Originally Posted by freeweed

While I can never fully appreciate it from the "other side" - as someone who has chosen to never have a wife or kids, I can at least partially relate. The societal pressure to conform on this one is perhaps stronger than any other thing I can think of. Other than to be straight, of course. Oddly enough, I find most people that I know are MORE accepting of gay people than they are a heterosexual who willingly chooses to not have children. As always, might just be the circles I run in. But I have received this comment several times: "At least gay people KNOW they won't have kids, it's a biological impossibility. But you're a f**king freak for choosing not to when you easily could". Different pressures, and I won't even begin to argue that they're equal.



Not at all what I was trying to get across, and I apologize if it came off like that. I was more thinking "within" the gay community - I don't think gay people, in general, have to filter potential partners out based on whether or not they want to reproduce with you. Again, there are other pressures that I can barely begin to understand.

But, as Chadillaccc points out - there are some interesting exceptions. I also know a number of gay people with kids from a straight relationship. Should have used "usually" instead of "always".

[Chadillaccc]

That's the same situation I'm in right now KW, the c*nt ex-wife wants full custody of his daughter even though when she was pregnant with her she wanted to abort. She's not fit to be a mother to such a sweet girl. Plus she wants to live with David anyways.

[Dr Nevergold]

Originally Posted by Chadillaccc

I only hooked up with one basically because he made it seem like he was interested in more but I was just dumb haha, whatever though. The rest are just good guys that I like to drink with and hang out. I like to help people deal with that kinda thing because I'm a great empath and I wish that I had had anyone when I was dealing with it.

No attraction at all? Just "good guys" to hang with? Right...

[kw5150]

Of course.

Originally Posted by freeweed

Do we have this sort of thing for willing, attractive straight girls?

[kw5150]

The orgies do break out. Its a fact.

Originally Posted by freeweed

To be fair, the same perception exists about young straight men - "you have to like her, she has boobs".

I do find it a fair bit funnier when people use it towards gay men though. As if every time a group of them hang out together (say, at work, or doing any sort of activity where men congregate) a spontaneous orgy will just break out. I mean, they're all gay and stuff, right?

[Chadillaccc]

Originally Posted by Brandon716

No attraction at all? Just "good guys" to hang with? Right...

I never said they weren't weren't fine as hell. If I wasn't dating someone I'd wacks that ass till they show me what they workin with lmao!!!!

[halifaxboyns]

Originally Posted by Chadillaccc

I wouldn't say that necessarily all gay couples have to WANT to have children. My boyfriend, after having dated a guy from grade 8 to grade 12, started dating a chick to try and hide who he was, they had a kid, got married, and divorced six months later. Now he has a 3 year old girl and loves her to death... basically father of the year (and so far, boyfriend of the year ) and now basically I am an instant step-mom haha and I wasn't really looking for that... but he found me and I like him so that's how it is.

Having been engaged to my ex-bf for many years we talked about kids, but since it didn't work out the conversation was mute. Being happily single, the thought hasn't really crossed my mind.

Personally, I've found the gay community in Calgary to be rather odd. Coming from Halifax, it's way more cliquish than back east and far less welcoming. Making friends around here is way more difficult and I'm a pretty relaxed, laid back kind of person. I also find the bar scene, frankly just boring. Twisted sucks and Sapien (which I found more fun) is gone. The eagle, which was my after work pool place Thursday and Friday is gone and I'm sad it may not come back. Frankly, I miss the scene back east because at least it was open to all sorts of people and was way more fun! But that's just me...

You can happily add me to the pile and also to the pile of 'gay planners in Calgary'.

[Radley77]

Originally Posted by halifaxboyns

Having been engaged to my ex-bf for many years we talked about kids, but since it didn't work out the conversation was mute. Being happily single, the thought hasn't really crossed my mind.

Personally, I've found the gay community in Calgary to be rather odd. Coming from Halifax, it's way more cliquish than back east and far less welcoming. Making friends around here is way more difficult and I'm a pretty relaxed, laid back kind of person. I also find the bar scene, frankly just boring. Twisted sucks and Sapien (which I found more fun) is gone. The eagle, which was my after work pool place Thursday and Friday is gone and I'm sad it may not come back. Frankly, I miss the scene back east because at least it was open to all sorts of people and was way more fun! But that's just me...

You can happily add me to the pile and also to the pile of 'gay planners in Calgary'.

I was walking down Stephen Avenue the other day and was suprised how many businesses had pride flags on them. Mango Shiva, Cafe Rosso and another one I can't recall. I miss the venue back in Saskatoon called Diva's... I haven't found Twisted Element as more than a go-to dance place more than 1 or 2 times a year.

Have you been to Backlot? I'd love to see a Fountainhead-esque place evolve in Calgary.

[Rusty van Reddick]

Big cities are inherently and unavoidably more "cliqueish" than smaller ones. A small city like Halifax with its many universities is bound to be more inclusive than a big city with more grownups like Calgary. The friendliest gay bar I've ever visited was one in Appleton, Wisconsin, and that was because it was the one gay bar in the entire Fox Valley and had to cater to everybody from bingo-playing RV-riding senior citizen dykes to underaged goth fags. You won't find that in Calgary and you absolutely won't find it in Toronto or Montreal. That's life.

I hate to say this but I usually find the people complaining about X city or scene being "cliquish" are the narcissists who are suddenly in a position of the world not revolving around them when they leave their home town. You're cliquish; everyone is cliquish, now stop castigating an entire city when it's you who chooses to remand himself and toss attitude around.

[DizzyEdge]

I know it's been touched upon in this thread a bit, but I was having a discussion with my gf who is from Toronto, where most of her male friends were gay and part of the theatre scene. Anyway, she was lamenting (perhaps that's too strong of a word) the lack of a gay village in Calgary, and I was trying to articulate why there isn't one here, but without much success. I was curious what your thoughts are. Mine are that in a lot of cities the establishment of such might have also been a gentrification exercise, and Calgary tends to bulldoze areas before they get to the point of badly needing gentrification, but that's probably only one small part of it. Was Calgary simply too small during the era when these villages sprung up, and once it got big enough the need for one wasn't as urgent due to changing attitudes?

[Wigs]

I recommend anyone interested in documentaries to check this one out about the AIDS epidemic. As someone born in 1981, I didn't know hardly anything about the history and the struggle. I saw it last night with my friend and his girlfriend.

Now playing at The Plaza theatre in Kensington

• Video Link

[kw5150]

Im going to be snooki here for a sec, but that video trailer made, me happy, sad, angry and even almost have a lil' cry. When it feels like you have no future, life can seem pointless.

Thank god i got out of that rut! A big thanks to the people who struggled to show people that gay people are not a disease.

[halifaxboyns]

Originally Posted by Radley77

I was walking down Stephen Avenue the other day and was suprised how many businesses had pride flags on them. Mango Shiva, Cafe Rosso and another one I can't recall. I miss the venue back in Saskatoon called Diva's... I haven't found Twisted Element as more than a go-to dance place more than 1 or 2 times a year.

Have you been to Backlot? I'd love to see a Fountainhead-esque place evolve in Calgary.

I agree with you - I've been surprised how many showed up on Steven avenue, but I suspect that's been because the pride parade moved to that route some time ago. Although the route the past 2 years (starting at Olympic Plaza and going to the Mewatta) is a lot better than ending at Olympic Plaza. The parade outgrew that area a long time ago.

I've been to backlot, but it's such a small space that if you aren't there early you are screwed for seating. I'm a person that likes my space, which is why I loved the eagle. It wasn't crowded and my friend Ryan and I could play pool without much problem. We were lamenting about that when I had him over for dinner the other night.

[red-paladin]

O.o There is no thread like this in the Vancouver section for some reason

[MarkL]

Originally Posted by red-paladin

O.o There is no thread like this in the Vancouver section for some reason

You just made my day.

[freeweed]

Vancouver clearly does not have a significant gay population.