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  #81  
Old Posted Aug 5, 2019, 10:20 PM
Buckeye Native 001 Buckeye Native 001 is online now
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It could be so much worse: Any of you could end up like my parents, who have a grandson that they've only ever met for 45 minutes the day he was born (11/5/2018). My brother and his wife decided to cut off all contact with us shortly after my nephew's birth, yet still live in the same metropolitan area as my parents.

I've personally never met my nephew. I've tried, goddammit, but my brother and his wife decided they don't want any of my side of the family in their lives.

So...yeah. Tell me about what a burden it is to have aging parents nearby as opposed to a nanny (at least he/she is maximizing their full capitalist potential by earning money for providing childcare services, because apparently that's the only thing worth a god damn). Parents who, god forbid, you might want to rely on every once in a while to watch your child. What a horrible thing to have handy.

FWIW, I don't have any children myself, but I don't think I can ever forgive my brother for the amount of pain he's inflicted (whether intentional or not) on my parents for denying them time and memories they could have spent with their grandson. My dad stopped telling people at work he is a grandfather after growing tired of trying to come up with excuses when asked what he did with his grandson at Thanksgiving, Christmas and his 60th birthday.

***BACK ON TOPIC (SORT OF?)***

It's not the suburbs (yet...), but my parents and I have discussed going in on a condo together in Flagstaff. Apparently they'd still like to keep in contact with at least one of their children, and have a place to escape the heat every once in a while. My gf and I have a dog, which is kind of like having a grandson for my mother so we've got that going for us, which is nice.

Last edited by Buckeye Native 001; Aug 5, 2019 at 10:33 PM.
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  #82  
Old Posted Aug 5, 2019, 10:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Buckeye Native 001 View Post
It could be so much worse: Any of you could end up like my parents, who have a grandson that they've only ever met for 45 minutes the day he was born (11/5/2018). My brother and his wife decided to cut off all contact with us shortly after my nephew's birth, yet still live in the same metropolitan area as my parents.

I've personally never met my nephew. I've tried, goddammit, but my brother and his wife decided they don't want any of my side of the family in their lives.

So...yeah. Tell me about what a burden it is to have aging parents nearby as opposed to a nanny (at least he/she is maximizing their full capitalist potential by earning money for childcare). Parents who, god forbid, you might want to rely on every once in a while to watch your child. What a horrible thing to have handy.

I don't even have kids for chrissake.
Weren't you close to your brother? I'm not particularly close to my brothers but we have about six states between us. Got to be tough when they're right there.
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  #83  
Old Posted Aug 5, 2019, 10:26 PM
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Oh man...I haven't had the chance to read through this thread, but just this page, and wow, that is a zinger.

10023's weird angst against grandparents looking after children is VERY odd! Interesting though.

But hey, gang...he's ELITE! Scary.
If I have any angst it’s probably from the thought of having to see my mother-in-law that often. Sometimes it’s just easier to throw money at a problem...
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  #84  
Old Posted Aug 5, 2019, 10:30 PM
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If I have any angst it’s probably from the thought of having to see my mother-in-law that often. Sometimes it’s just easier to throw money at a problem...
You're married?

Throwing money at the problem....isn't that always the easy way out of everything?
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  #85  
Old Posted Aug 5, 2019, 10:30 PM
Buckeye Native 001 Buckeye Native 001 is online now
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Weren't you close to your brother? I'm not particularly close to my brothers but we have about six states between us. Got to be tough when they're right there.
My brother was my best friend. I was the best man at his wedding in December 2016. None of us know what the hell happened between then and now, yet here I am talking about it semi-anonymously on an internet forum.

I'm sure there's something my parents and I did that was unforgivable (this is me and my kin we're talking about), I'd just love to know what the fuck it was?
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  #86  
Old Posted Aug 5, 2019, 10:39 PM
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My brother was my best friend. I was the best man at his wedding in December 2016. None of us know what the hell happened between then and now, yet here I am talking about it semi-anonymously on an internet forum.
Bro. This is rough. My brother is my best friend as well and we have the exact opposite political views. We both went through the same BS as kids, always had each others' backs. Despite that, we love to get together, value each others' opinion and discuss over some whiskey. At the end of the day, nothing will ever separate our bond, we've been through too much.

He and I might disagree on some BS stuff, but at the end, nobody cares because we're family and that's what matters most.
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  #87  
Old Posted Aug 5, 2019, 10:49 PM
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I thought those familial bonds were stronger than they were, but I've spent more energy than I'd like to admit ruminating over what happened and what could've been done differently.

Time is too precious for this kind of bullshit, I guess is what I'm trying to come to terms with. I just really hate seeing what it does to my parents (they're doing okay, all things considered) and am more protective of them now than I might have or should have been in the past.

I even enjoy spending time with my girlfriend's mother, who just lost her husband of 41 years, so I'm struggling to comprehend the flippant remarks about not wanting to spend time with family.
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  #88  
Old Posted Aug 5, 2019, 10:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Buckeye Native 001 View Post
so I'm struggling to comprehend the flippant remarks about not wanting to spend time with family.
He's someone who probably hasn't had to deal with reality on reality's terms..yet. Take mom, dad, grandparents for granted until they're not around anymore.
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  #89  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 2:37 AM
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He's someone who probably hasn't had to deal with reality on reality's terms..yet. Take mom, dad, grandparents for granted until they're not around anymore.
Or maybe not. Some people just aren't into "others," or family.
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  #90  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 2:53 AM
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Sometimes it’s just easier to throw money at a problem...
If you view spending time with your family as "a problem", then that kinda says it all right there.

I feel truly blessed to have a family that I truly do love and that I am truly loved by.

I don't view that as "a problem", rather it is my foundation.

I would trade it for nothing in this universe.
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  #91  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 6:24 AM
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If you view spending time with your family as "a problem", then that kinda says it all right there.

I feel truly blessed to have a family that I truly do love and that I am truly loved by.

I don't view that as "a problem", rather it is my foundation.

I would trade it for nothing in this universe.
The “problem” being supervision of a child while the parents need to do other things.
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  #92  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 12:02 PM
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The “problem” being supervision of a child while the parents need to do other things.
The problem might also be you and your wife(?) being injured in an accident and requiring assistance beyond what the NHS and other public services provide.

Human beings have organized into various groupings like "society" and "family" for a reason.
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  #93  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 12:50 PM
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The “problem” being supervision of a child while the parents need to do other things.
I don’t think you have a clue about how normal people think.

I don’t know anything about your family (if they raised you to be the way that you are, no offense, then perhaps they really don’t want to have anything to do with their kids, I guess...) but most grandparents love their grandchildren and want to help out to the ability that they can.
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  #94  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 1:44 PM
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The “problem” being supervision of a child while the parents need to do other things.
but you spoke about this "problem" within the context of actually preferring to pay money to a perfect stranger to watch your children instead of letting a grandparent (or sibling, aunt, cousin, etc.) watch them for FREE all because you find contact with your relatives so onerous and unpleasant.

i'm sorry you have such a crappy family. that's gotta suck.
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  #95  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 2:21 PM
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^^^ He's not even doing a good job of being arrogant. If you were sufficiently arrogant you would believe that your parents must have done an amazing job since they produced something as awesome as you and therefore you should let them help raise your kids as much as possible.

That's how I feel, the older I get the more I appreciate just how special my parents are. I want to hurry up and have kids just so they can rub off on whatever little brats I churn out as much as possible.

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10023 is just mad because his grandparents loved his siblings or cousins more than him.
He's just mad Grannie passed him over on the inheritance for being a little brat. Now he needs to sit in the office to get his millions.

Given his attitude towards mom and dad he might be disinherited yet again, poor guy...

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If you view spending time with your family as "a problem", then that kinda says it all right there.

I feel truly blessed to have a family that I truly do love and that I am truly loved by.

I don't view that as "a problem", rather it is my foundation.

I would trade it for nothing in this universe.
Bingo, the only thing about my family that is starting to grate on me is that I find they have gradually displaced "friends" as the main social network of my life especially now that I'm married. My wife and I both have gigantic extended (and her immediate) families. We spend so much time visiting cousins and aunts and uncles and great aunts and uncles that it eats into our social time for friends.

Then again I would rather spend a summer weekend booze cruising on the river with my 84 year old grandma and my 70 something great aunt and uncle than sucking down $14 cocktails at a bar in Chicago. Not only is it more fun with better scenery, but the conversation with old people is wayyyyy better than with dipshit millennials in our peer group.

I suppose the social issue may change for us once we have a kid and it reaches school age putting us in touch with other parents though. Late twenties and early thirties is a bit lonely with no kids.
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  #96  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 2:43 PM
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Bingo, the only thing about my family that is starting to grate on me is that I find they have gradually displaced "friends" as the main social network of my life especially now that I'm married. My wife and I both have gigantic extended (and her immediate) families. We spend so much time visiting cousins and aunts and uncles and great aunts and uncles that it eats into our social time for friends.

Then again I would rather spend a summer weekend booze cruising on the river with my 84 year old grandma and my 70 something great aunt and uncle than sucking down $14 cocktails at a bar in Chicago. Not only is it more fun with better scenery, but the conversation with old people is wayyyyy better than with dipshit millennials in our peer group.
Very true. Family gets more important, in my opinion, as you age. Part of that comes from the realization that true, good friends are rare for many people, while family is typically whom you can really rely on.

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Late twenties and early thirties is a bit lonely with no kids.
It is? I'm surprised to hear that. That's pretty young to be feeling "lonely with no kids"
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  #97  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 3:02 PM
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It is? I'm surprised to hear that. That's pretty young to be feeling "lonely with no kids"
My wife and I started having kids in the first half of our 30s, and most definitely noticed in the years just before that the social milieu were in in our mid-20s was starting to recede rather quickly by the time the 30s were getting closer and closer.
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  #98  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 3:08 PM
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My wife and I started having kids in the first half of our 30s, and most definitely noticed in the years just before that the social milieu were in in our mid-20s was starting to recede rather quickly by the time the 30s were getting closer and closer.
My wife and I are 31 (no kids just yet) and we have definitely noticed the same thing. There seem to be phases of your life when making friends is very easy. College and your very early professional life are one of those times. In those years and the years that followed friends were very plentiful and I saw them frequently. Many of them I still consider very dear friends but our lives might have taken us in slightly different directions so you end up seeing them less often.

My parents often talk about how once they had kids they found it very ease to make friends and grow your social network again. They've mentioned this independently of any lamenting on my part about a weakening social network.

I've also felt an urge over the last few years to shore up some of my family relationships, siblings, parents, aunts and uncles, cousins etc.
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  #99  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 3:27 PM
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Late twenties and early thirties is a bit lonely with no kids.
Speak for yourself.

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Originally Posted by Steely Dan View Post
but you spoke about this "problem" within the context of actually preferring to pay money to a perfect stranger to watch your children instead of letting a grandparent (or sibling, aunt, cousin, etc.) watch them for FREE all because you find contact with your relatives so onerous and unpleasant.

i'm sorry you have such a crappy family. that's gotta suck.
One is transactional and one carries with it all of the attendant social obligations of friends or family.

I expect that I would often prefer having the nanny stay late rather than a relative coming over, for the same reason that it is much easier to go to a restaurant, pay the check and leave, rather than go to a relative’s house (bringing some kind of small gift, eating what you’re given, making conversation for probably several hours, etc).

Neither my mother nor mother-in-law are paid staff that could be called up at short notice to perform babysitting services for nothing but cash in return, but as a parent that is exactly what I would often want.
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Last edited by 10023; Aug 6, 2019 at 3:37 PM.
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  #100  
Old Posted Aug 6, 2019, 3:59 PM
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Speak for yourself.


One is transactional and one carries with it all of the attendant social obligations of friends or family.

I expect that I would often prefer having the nanny stay late rather than a relative coming over,.

The nanny needs a break too sometimes! Especially if she's been taking care of 10023 Jr and 10023 Jr.-ette since 8 o'clock in the morning!
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