The Dad Thread

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by Wigs

I had a former boss that was told unfortunately he was the reason that he and his wife couldn't conceive. They had been trying for 18 months.
They adopted a toddler (with a learning disability) because his wife is an Early Childhood Educator with specialization in this area and knows the need to adopt any child not deemed "perfectly healthy and normal" is greater.

8 months later after adopting their son, she became pregnant with a boy!
Now they have 2 kids.
The universe works in mysterious ways.

Yes, I know a few couples to whom that has happened as well.

[Wigs]

Originally Posted by Acajack

Yes, I know a few couples to whom that has happened as well.

It's also amazing how many forget the need for adoption is great. That if you can't conceive for whatever reason there's so many little girls and boys that are just waiting for a good, stable home with decent family.

[urbandreamer]

Before adopting a kid I'm going to get a puppy. Unfortunately my condition makes it impossible to have my own children; I've read some others with this relatively rare condition have adopted; I'm feeling too old for this though my father was nearly 50 when my youngest brother was born.

I hate to rant but from what I've seen, getting married/having children before your mid 20s is ideal. This Western way of living is going to destroy our culture: ie dual income daycare etc delaying childbirth until late 30s/40s. (Leads to increased genetic defects, autism etc.)

[Acajack]

Late 20s and early 30s is also fine, really.

[O-tacular]

Originally Posted by MonctonRad

Thanks.

I found out on my 65th birthday. I was out to supper with all three boys and my son and his partner handed me a birthday card. On the inside was an ultrasound image with a salutation saying "happy birthday Grampie, I can't wait to meet you!"

I am not really an emotional person but I must admit that this hit me like a ton of bricks. I started tearing up a bit. It was a wonderful surprise.

Children are special, but, in some ways, grandkids are even more special.

Congrats! That's a better reveal than when I just brought out the ultrasound at brunch one day after a preamble about how there would need to be another plate at the table or something like that. I think you must be the first SSP grandpa!

[esquire]

On being a grandpa, I'm in my 40s and I have some friends who are a few years older than me... one of them became a grandfather just after turning 50. Which was and still is so bizarre to me, because it feels like we were all in university just a couple of years ago!

[kool maudit]

I regret living from 20-35 as if I was going to make it to 200, but overall I think I can do this. I do think compressing the generations more is good, though. We talk about 'vibrancy' in terms of walkups and density and commercial strips here, and all of that is true, but it has a counterpart in young parents, grand- and great grandparents being around, that general sort of tumble of clans.

Fertility has a feel, as does its lack, and these both have their aesthetic appeals and issues. The latter can be spare, elegant and reflective, but it is also alienated, enervated and monotonous. The former can be claustrophobic and limiting, but it is also warm, varied and more in-the-moment.

[MonctonRad]

I have very long generation times in my family. My father was 49 years old when I was born, and he was born in 1909. He died when I was 10. I never knew my grandparents (either maternal or paternal). My maternal grandmother in fact died in Maine during the 1918 flu pandemic (39 years before I was born). My mother ended up being raised by her own grandparents back in PEI. My mother in fact was raised by people who had been born about 1870!

The tradition continues. Here I am becoming a grandfather for the first time at age 65. It will be iffy if I am still around to see him/her graduate high school.

There is something to be said for compressing the generational span a bit. It builds better intergenerational connectivity.

[thewave46]

Originally Posted by kool maudit

I regret living from 20-35 as if I was going to make it to 200, but overall I think I can do this. I do think compressing the generations more is good, though. We talk about 'vibrancy' in terms of walkups and density and commercial strips here, and all of that is true, but it has a counterpart in young parents, grand- and great grandparents being around, that general sort of tumble of clans.

Fertility has a feel, as does its lack, and these both have their aesthetic appeals and issues. The latter can be spare, elegant and reflective, but it is also alienated, enervated and monotonous. The former can be claustrophobic and limiting, but it is also warm, varied and more in-the-moment.

It is interesting to note that the 20th and early 21st centuries were the exception to the human norm of living in multi-generational households.

Which is maybe why we're having issues on that front today. Alienated grandparents/older folks and the need for the state to subsidize daycare whilst mom and dad struggle to keep up with housing/lifestyle costs maybe are the signs a dying exception to the historical way of life.

The threads that bind kept the old young, and the young in touch with the old. People in pods are great for consumerism and flexible labour supply, not so much for family-based life.

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by thewave46

It is interesting to note that the 20th and early 21st centuries were the exception to the human norm of living in multi-generational households.

Which is maybe why we're having issues on that front today. Alienated grandparents/older folks and the need for the state to subsidize daycare whilst mom and dad struggle to keep up with housing/lifestyle costs maybe are the signs a dying exception to the historical way of life.

The threads that bind kept the old young, and the young in touch with the old. People in pods are great for consumerism and flexible labour supply, not so much for family-based life.

I think this is a very prescient observation, though this is more of a western world thing, is it not?

And in addition to stuff like skyrocketing childcare costs, at the other end there are also escalating costs in terms of senior care. I mean, there is healthcare which one can't get around, but another high-cost sector for seniors is "residential" in nature, and many seniors currently living in public facilities, in another era (for us) or cultures would be living with family members.

[esquire]

Originally Posted by MonctonRad

I have very long generation times in my family. My father was 49 years old when I was born, and was born in 1909. He died when I was 10. I never knew my grandparents (either maternal or paternal). My maternal grandmother in fact died in Maine during the 1918 flu pandemic (39 years before I was born). My mother ended up being raised by her own grandparents back in PEI. My mother was raised by people who had been born about 1870!

The tradition continues. Here I am becoming a grandfather for the first time at age 65. It will be iffy if I am still around to see him/her graduate high school.

There is something to be said for compressing the generational span a bit. It builds better intergenerational connectivity.

Yeah, I completely agree with that latter point. I am at the other extreme end of the spectrum... I am in my early 40s, young enough that I always had computers in the class when I was in elementary school. But on the flipside, my four grandparents were born between 1888-1912

Two of them died before I was born, one died before I reached my first birthday, and the other one I really only remember as a very old, sick person who died when I was 5. Would have been nice to have spent some time with them. I was the very last of the many grandchildren for all four.

[hipster duck]

Originally Posted by Acajack

I think this is a very prescient observation, though this is more of a western world thing, is it not?

And in addition to stuff like skyrocketing childcare costs, at the other end there are also escalating costs in terms of senior care. I mean, there is healthcare which one can't get around, but another high-cost sector for seniors is "residential" in nature, and many seniors currently living in public facilities, in another era (for us) or cultures would be living with family members.

No, this is true in Democratic East Asia, or the part of the non-Western world that has transcended the middle income trap. My relatives in Taiwan live an atomized, Western middle class life, with both parents working, just one kid that they had in their late 30s, and grandparents in the senior's home.

I think that even in a non-Judeo Christian society that's nominally more collectivist, once you attain a certain level of economic development, a natural sequence of norms just begins to materialize: women don't want to pop out babies; grown men and women don't want to come home from a day of hard work and have their private space infiltrated by elderly in-laws milling around; every child is a big commitment of your own time and resources - you don't want to raise latchkey kids or expect to pawn off parenting responsibilities of your youngest child to your eldest daughter, etc.

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by hipster duck

No, this is true in Democratic East Asia, or the part of the non-Western world that has transcended the middle income trap. My relatives in Taiwan live an atomized, Western middle class life, with both parents working, just one kid that they had in their late 30s, and grandparents in the senior's home.

I think that even in a non-Judeo Christian society that's nominally more collectivist, once you attain a certain level of economic development, a natural sequence of norms just begins to materialize: women don't want to pop out babies; grown men and women don't want to come home from a day of hard work and have their private space infiltrated by elderly in-laws milling around; every child is a big commitment of your own time and resources - you don't want to raise latchkey kids or expect to pawn off parenting responsibilities of your youngest child to your eldest daughter, etc.

OK thanks for the insights.

[O-tacular]

[O-tacular]

Just found out our qualification for affordable childcare funding may be in jeopardy and my son starts preschool next week! In AB the UCP made sure only rich dual income parents qualify for full funding and my wife just found out her part time side gig may be ending.

[O-tacular]

On a lighter note any inside dad jokes to share? For instance my 4 mth old cries every time the car stops and only sleeps when it reaches highway speeds. I sing the theme song from Speed every time we slow down below 60.

[Me&You]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

On a lighter note any inside dad jokes to share? For instance my 4 mth old cries every time the car stops and only sleeps when it reaches highway speeds. I sing the theme song from Speed every time we slow down below 60.

For our oldest (as mentioned - literally didn't sleep through the night once for 17 months!), the "car nap" was a savior... We must've put on an extra 15,000km, just to get her to sleep

[HomeInMyShoes]

Originally Posted by Me&You

For our oldest (as mentioned - literally didn't sleep through the night once for 17 months!), the "car nap" was a savior... We must've put on an extra 15,000km, just to get her to sleep

Yep. Sarah Hamer's Basement Apartment album is burned into an indelible memory of the roads around St. John's, NL driving our eldest around to get him to sleep and get mom some rest.

• Video Link

[HomeInMyShoes]

And some more songs for us parents (dads) that mean so much more now.

• Video Link

• Video Link

[harls]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

On a lighter note any inside dad jokes to share? For instance my 4 mth old cries every time the car stops and only sleeps when it reaches highway speeds. I sing the theme song from Speed every time we slow down below 60.

My then 4 yr old kid: 'Moi je suis né en 2007'.

Me - 'yep'

'et mon frère, en 2010'.

Oui.

'Toi papa, tu es né en deux-mille quand?'

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