Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandon716
The difference in the gay world as opposed to the straight world is that while straight men are almost equally driven by sex, gay men tend to be overt about it and can get away with it more. The way gay men tend to meet up isn't by common interest, although it does happen, the more common way is to judge how sexually attracted you are to someone. Gay men don't meet other men - at least a majority don't - at interest groups, at a university class, at a church, or at many places that straight guys pick up girls. Gay men pick up men almost exclusively at dating sites, bars, and hookup apps. Its a dynamic that is unique to the gay world in the proportion of how interactions occur.
I wouldn't call it being picky as much as just being a sexually oriented culture. And not that there is anything wrong with sex or being very oriented by sex, but it is what it is.
Best example I can think of is a friend of mine in the Falls. We were together one time in a group and someone came onto him that he didn't particularly find attractive. I thought the guy was attractive and would have loved the attention, but all day he complained over and over about how that freak was trying to be nice to him and in return my 'friend' was borderline verbally abusive to him... Yet some other guy he wanted to bang (and I did not find attractive) barely said hi and my 'friend' was all attentive and giving him his life story and how awesome he is. It was rather pathetic.
Gay men do have a knack for being conceited, to see such a nice guy be almost verbally thrashed just for being nice and then seeing the polar opposite really said more about my 'friend' than anything, hence why I don't hang out with said 'friend' that much anymore. Many gay guys are almost exclusively sexually oriented and can't see the forest for the trees. I admit I was like this when I was 20, but now that I am 30 I don't feel the same. Too many guys who are gay, as they age, don't throw away their teenage habits and mature into adults, which I think is why so many gay men are single into old age.
Although there's nothing wrong with sex if you're not in a relationship and you just need to get your rocks off and want to go for it. But I've always been the type of person not to understand why you bother being in a relationship if you're banging other people, it demeans the point of a relationship.
I've spent years trying to find boyfriends, and in my particular situation trying to find a willing partner to settle with, even marriage. But gay men I've met wouldn't have any level of responsibility to another human being, they are way too interested in being an individual who has no responsibilities to anything. If I were straight, I could have found a woman years ago who would have stood together with us as we forged our life, even if it were cross border.
But sex? Yea, that's easy and accessible anytime.
//rant over, and no it wasn't directed at you Chad even though I quoted you. Just some random thoughts and observations from my life...
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No worries man I didn't think it was about me at all. I guess I am kindof like the douchebags you mentioned, as I am only 22... but I'm pretty sure I'm pretty level-headed for my age. I can't stand clubs or bullshit like Grindr and Manhunt. I know exactly the type of guy you are talking about when you mentioned your "friend" in Niagara, I've known a few too many of those. I always thought what me or my life would be like if I were straight... kinda makes me sad to imagine how much happier and fulfilled I could have been by this age... but doesn't stop me from trying to find love. I actually just started dating a guy a couple weeks ago, and because basically every gay dude in Calgary is an ass wipe, in a relationship, or emotionally recovering from being cheated on by an ex, the guy I'm dating lives 3 hours away. He's pretty great and looking for the real deal too. It is kind of different for me though as he is close to me in age (2 years older), has a 3 year old daughter, and an ex wife :S but he's super super sweet, caring, and cuddly. He's a firefighter and since they get every other week off he's a mechanic too. The only problem with it is that my being 22 fucks things up cause I'm still on the prowl for hot bears and cubs and what-not and he's not fully my type physically, though he's a pretty cute bear
. The distance is actually a good thing though, because most dudes my age just jump right into something and can't be apart. Seeing each other on Wednesdays and Weekends is pretty good, makes cuddling and hanging out all the more meaningful
I'm trying to get past my superficiality because he's the exact kinda guy I want to be with. I don't wanna let meaningless shit get in the way of spending my life with someone.
As far as gay villages and how depressing they are goes, yep. I used to feel really uncomfortable walking past the Timothy's at Church and Alexander when I was 16, all the 50 - 60+ year old poz men starring at me from their wheelchairs. I know that sounds like a rude brutal thing to say... but it was truly disconcerting. Out of the gay villages in the country... Vancouver's is pretty much the cleanest and least creepy. Calgary has it's own creepy section but it's segregated into the bar under the bathhouse. Some of them spill over into the Backlot every now and then though.