Originally Posted by WTQuagmire
Sorry if this is not the right place to post this, but I want to get this cleared out.
I am not sure how many of you remember me. I left the forum long ago, and haven’t spoken there in years. I used a name called “Apathanoia” while I was here. I was one of the people who spoke for getting the twins rebuilt, who tried to get you to support it.
Unfortunately, my hatred for what has happened there has not gone away. $15 billion for a bunker-based tower that is the “nation’s tallest”, two waterfall holes in the ground, a $4 billion transit station, and a few other towers... from what I see, an inferior product compared to the former WTC. And I still believe the process and the site resulted from fraud and corruption, with things like Bridgegate reinforcing this.
As much as I feel this way, however, I have a harsh truth to say about myself: I am a coward.
What I have said in favor of new twins has been exclusive to Internet forums and responses to online articles. I never actually did anything to contribute to the cause, and I never gave money to anyone. I expected things to work out on their own, and for the American people to get the twins back. Remember that Justin Berzon book? I never bought it. It didn’t help that I worried it went too far into conspiracy theories…along with the fact that it probably sold only ten copies. Outside of the Internet, the me who said those words didn’t even exist.
I haven’t even spoken to my own family about it. I have been looking at those sites in private for years. My parents defended the idea of not rebuilding the twins at the time due to the cost to build (feels odd now) and the difficulty in getting tenants, citing the ESB and the original WTC as examples. As a person with Asperger’s, I knew that continually bringing it up would have had my parents say I am obsessing about it, and I didn’t want to behave that way. Today, I worry that if I did say stuff about this to my parents, they would disown me or worse, get me committed to a mental institution.
I have been keeping these thoughts away from almost everybody for nearly 15 years. I have been a man who wanted to go big, wanted to walk the walk, but have kept my lower legs and feet in a concrete block of fear. It is quite possible that in a way, I am the very thing I hate.
I have chosen a life of expectations that America, if not the whole world, would consistently get worse from here on out. I felt that the bunker, the pits, and the Calatrava hub in particular were impossible to take seriously. But who am I to judge or talk down to others about this? I see a world that is deteriorating like I envisioned, with crumbling infrastructure, ISIS, income inequality, etc., but somehow, I wonder if I have actually contributed to it (and the current WTC) because of my cowardice. At least, if I do tell others about this, at least I can ditch feelings that my mind or my cowardice is making it real.
I know I feel strange talking to you about this, but I feel I need to at a minimum tell you about what I really have been, to tell you that I am a coward and that have earned your hate.
|